I hate to be negative when my child is concerned but...the day comes when that child is not a little boy but a young man. I love my son, I do but as with anyone you love sometimes they disappoint you.
My son has his struggles he is ADHD and also bipolar. No one wants to have challenges. I'm ADHD too and I struggle to prioritize and stay on task. My father was diagnosed bipolar at age 71..he too was probably ADHD since I think I'm somewhat qualified to recognize this at this point. As Will's mom, I've done my best to identify, learn, and seek solutions. We have brought Will to all the "experts" counselors, psychiatrists, OT and educational experts as well. All in an effort to help him manage and come to terms with these diagnosis.
I've always hoped that these interventions would give him a shot at exercising some management over his life. He has had everything but at some point as a child matures into a teen and young adult, all the interventions in the world make no difference. That's because they at some point seek to assert their own independence. They choose their own friends. Perhaps school performance slacks off and it is not about finding the appropriate experts to fix and address this problem but about the child taking responsibility.
As a concientious parent you still beat yourself up. What have I not done? Many things I'm sure. And sadly the child is eager to avoid personal responsibility and point the finger at you with accusations such as "you expect too much..." I'll never be good enough..." The challenge is to give your child the tools while still holding him accountable. If I've failed perhaps this is where.
I'm frustrated though. My child has grown up very blessed and he doesn't have a clue. Private education, 2 married parents that love each other, many opportunities, vacations, pre paid college tuition. Though not perfect, we have been involved and caring parents So many of those his age I see don't have a fraction of what he has been given...
So what is he doing with his life? Finally after years of nagging, he has a part time job bagging groceries. He has moved out and is living with a friend where no one questions his comings and goings since he is an adult and we should not have any rights in this regard. He has chosen poorly regarding friends and girl friends and struggled to complete high school. He did reach this milestone last August but only because he was blessed enough for his parents to pay dearly for an intervention program. That prepaid college education...he has taken 2 classes and says he's too stressed out to continue.
Yes, you love your children but their choices make you crazy. My son wants to run his own life and at 19 legally he has earned that right. But running your own life means living with the consequences of your own actions. It is not up to me to pay for you to do your own thing. That is not love it is enabling. Maybe I didn't teach you well enough before now but it is no longer up to me but is up to you. Your teacher is now the school of hard knocks. You can by pass college and get your body tatooed but where will you be in 10 years? I'm not optimistic because I know how tough it is out there and I want better for you. Catch is you have to want better for you and resolve to head down a different path.
So my son although I know you do not see things our way because we are just your stupid parents, I do hope and pray because prayer is where you go when you accept that you cannot control but must let go and hope and trust that maybe with time and maturity you will start down the real path to adulthood and realize that comes with wise choices that are entirely your own.
hugs to you :)
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