So much is happening in the lives of my family during the month of May. It is a time to celebrate so much yet even so it is also a time of regrets and should haves beens. Ultimately, it is a time full of meaning and growth in my own spiritual life as I seek to embrace what is good looking with gratitude for the blessings that are there every day even as I struggle to understand those things that are not as I would have them by trusting that God loves me and those closest to me and has and will not ever forsake us.
As I start to write this, my daughter, Emily, is on my mind. In a few days, she will graduate high school. This is an occasion for great joy as I address invitations, plan for a celebration with family and friends and feel proud that she is soon to be in college at the school of her choice and moving forward with her life. Even amisdst the joy of this event is a regret for her and for us as well that she was not able to graduate with her class and friends at Mount de Sales, the school where she spent most of her high school years. Her own inner turmoil is apparent as she is somewhat moody and has chosen understandably not to attend the various ceremonies being held this week for the Seniors there, many of whom remain her close friends. It is however a time of growth for her as she glimpses what is true in life that often life is not without its share of disappointment even during moments where there should seemingly be great joy.
It is a time when I find myself often turning in prayer to God, first in petition that she will be able to accept this disappointment with a sense of peace and serenity knowing that she is loved unconditionally not only by her family but more importantly by a God who himself understands suffering and loves her always. Likewise, I pray for my own acceptance so that during this time I may be strong for her by loving her and understanding that this is a difficult time of mixed emotions so that my actions toward her will be compassionate, loving, understanding and supportive in a way that bears witness and honor to God and his servant Jesus Christ.
During this week, I have witnessed my youngest daughter, Katie, celebrate receiving the sacrament of Confirmation. I was so thankful to have both Emily and Will present for this beautiful ceremony. The bishop spoke so elequontly at the ceremony about the gift of faith and the importance of receiving this gift from your parents. It is indeed a gift that I cherish having received it from my own parents and feeling the calling of God throughout my own life particularly in times of struggle. It is a light that I want to beckon to each of my children always and a source for joy and peace even when it is tempting to be angry and resentful about life's disappointments and unfairness as things do not turn out as we had hoped. For myself, spending time and reflection in prayer these past few weeks has enabled me to accept that though things are not as I would have hoped, especially for Emily, that God is there helping us to accept and understand if we only chose to turn to him and ask for his strength and peace.
It is most apparent to me that God does not abandon us and that we should place our hope in God even when things appear dark and hopeless. As I look these days at my son, Will, I see evidence that God is working and can bring about transformation of even the most dire circumstances. Two years ago and for sometime thereafter I struggled with a constant worry for Will. It appeared that he might not graduate high school and his future appeared bleak indeed. Although never giving into disbelief in God over the circumstances and unfairness of it all, I found it difficult to trust that God was working in his life and loved him throughout his missteps. His own anger and rejection of what were for me basic faith values was a source of great pain and something for which I suffered a deep feeling of guilt and responsibility. At the prompting of what I know was the Spirit, I turned over and over again to the story of the prodigal son trying to understand how to remain open and loving while waiting patiently for Will to take control of his own life and to change those circumstances within his control.
It was a time when hopelessness seemed to be winning out. For myself, for Bill and for Emily the hope that Will would find his way out seemed an impossibility. Yet as today I look at the young man that he is becoming, I am overwhelmed by how time, circumstances and the power of God can transform each of us and how that even though we had given up, God had not. He was faithful, keeping Will safe and finally bringing him to a point where he began in earnest to take a different path. Today, unlike a year ago, I see a young man making progress with his education, making better choices with his friends and in life, and a son and brother who is loving toward his family and willing to be responsible and helpful to them. It is still a hope of mine that Will return to a place where he is again practicing faith in a faith community however I am nevertheless in awe at the love and faithfulness that God has shown for Will and its transforming power.
So as I take stock of things as they are at this moment, I can accept things as they are even as I am unable to change past circumstances. This is a choice. What do we focus on? Do we remain bitter toward things that we feel should have been or do we choose to rejoice in what blessings God has given us today and remain confident and hopeful that we are never alone even in our greatest disappointments? Emily, this post is especially for you. My prayer for you is that you will be able to rejoice in what surrounds you especially over the next few days. When you feel anger and resentment creeping in turn to God ask him to help you accept those things that seem unfair and focus instead on those blessings that surround you. Rejoice in the friendships that you made while you were at Mount de Sales and all the wonderful experiences and also on those that you had too at Houston County especially with your friends that have allowed you to reach the point in your life where you are moving forward with graduation and on to the next step in life, college. I know God is at work in your life and it is with great joy that I celebrate this time in your life embracing the good with the bad and trusting that where you are right now you are not alone because God is there as your friend and companion for the beginning of a wonderful journey.
