A Meaningful yet Short Journey

This post is a tribute to my dear friend, Bec Alegre.  But not just Bec but also her beloved husband Ed.  As I started to write this post weeks ago, I asked the Holy Spirit to guide me in pouring out what is in my heart.  When I began this post,  my friend Bec had just entered hospice  and was living out what was expected to be just a few days. Bec Alegre has meant so much to many of us  in my Middle Georgia community and coming to accept that the cancer which she had struggled against so bravely would in just a short time claim her life have been a swirl of emotions for so many.  Sadness to be sure, but joy and hope are equally at play in those who know her and share her faith in God.

A little of my personal journey just to witness to the impact that Bec and Ed have had on my life and my husband, Bill's, life in really just a very short time.  It is a truly a testament to the power of two people united to God and each other and how we can each make a difference in our world.  Early this February, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  It came from out of the blue no family history and me under the age of 50. My parents are both deceased, I have no siblings and although I have my husband's family we do not share a spiritual connection as believers do.

Back up farther Bec and Ed were members of our St Patrick's Faith community. I came to know them both when a became a part of the Cursillo Family. You can read about Cursillo if you are not familiar with this movement in the Catholic Church in my post Your Will not My Whim written in 2010 shortly after I made my Cursillo weekend. Both Bec and Ed had served on team for Cursillo meaning they put on the weekends.  I first got to know Bec when we traveled to a formation meeting together. So many words describe Bec spunky, vivacious and of course joyful but what impressed me the most was her deep and abiding sense of Faith and trust in God.

Fast forward a bit. Ed is apostolic by nature.  He truly wants to bring more people to know Christ more in our community and his favorite church ministry is Cursillo.  He very much wanted my husband, Bill to make a Cursillo weekend but my Bill though very spiritual was a little uncomfortable with the idea of spending a weekend camping out and sharing "feelings,"  with a group of men from church.  Our friendship remained status quo for sometime, we saw each other at church, I saw Bec and Ed at Cursillo events and Bill and I saw the Alegres at other church related functions.


In 2012, Bec was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and required surgery and chemotherapy.  Her chemotherapy regimen was demanding to say the least and she suffered many of the usual side effects especially fatigue and of course hair loss.  I never remember her missing Mass even though she often looked like she felt awful.  She truly had a warrior spirit and never lost that sense of humor.  She accumulated an assortment of wigs, my favorite was the Bahama Mama one which made her look like a cross between Bob Marley and Bo Derek. The entire Catholic Community in Warner Robins and beyond as well as many friends from other faith traditions prayed constantly for our dear Bec as we were kept abreast of her healing journey through periodic emails from Ed. Toward the end of last year she emerged feeling better and looking to be cancer free.  She celebrated with joy some of her favorite holidays Halloween and Christmas.

In January of this year, a one year Canciversary party was held for Bec in the recently completed Tuscan room at their home.  It was a day full of joy, good food and many blessings.  By then my own Cancer journey had begun.  I had a sizable lump in my breast and was waiting anxiously for my appointment with a breast surgeon.  By that time, Bec and Ed had taken me under their wings.  I had started attending daily mass where they were already regular attendees.  I was overcome with anxiety yet there was Bec having emerged from the battle of her life against a diagnosis far worse than mine calming me with her wisdom and complete trust and faith in God no matter what the circumstances.

The next few months from February through early June was the heart of my Cancer journey as I underwent a biopsy, confirmation of diagnosis, oncology visits and finally the start of chemotherapy.  Bec and Ed were always one of our first calls after these crucial appointments listening to each report, providing compassion and walking step by step with us a journey which they had just completed and cheering us on. Ed was always concerned for how Bill was dealing with things as he understood completely what it meant to be a caregiver and worry about the well being of the one you love the most.  Bec was there calming my ever bubbling anxiety and mentoring me with her Faith filled spirit.  At some point, Bec in some ways reminded me of my own mom although she is noway old enough to fill that role so maybe a big sister would be a better description but all I know is that Bec was the kind of person that anyone facing a diagnosis and struggle with Cancer would be extremely blessed to have in their life and I did! We were frequently together socially playing tennis, having dinner together and of course cocktail hours.  We shared a lot of laughter, our friendship grew and our lives became more intertwined.

In May, Ed and Bec took a cruise together.  It would seem that life was returning to their old normal which had been a mixture of Faith, friends, travel and fun as I am looking back at pictures of their life together.  However just before leaving Bec shared with me after mass one day that recent lab tests had revealed an increase in Cancer markers and that this would have to be evaluated with further testing once they returned.  In true Alegre fashion as I have come to understand, they forged ahead and had another memorable trip and cruise making new friends along the way.  Shortly after their return, it was confirmed that Bec's cancer had returned and that this time treatment options were limited, short term and that this recurrence would ultimately prove to be fatal.

Where do people of Faith turn it such times of trial?  To God as we believe that he made us, loves us and guides our journey.  We are ultimately in his hands and sometimes we struggle to accept that his will includes suffering.  Bec and Ed's confidence and trust in God flows naturally from them both and  was also transforming Bill's and my own spirituality. Once again, Ed invited Bill to join in the weekly group at his home of fellow male cursillistas.  And this time, Bill was ready to be a part of this gathering and sharing of spirituality. Although hurting for our friends, I was overjoyed to see this growth of faith in my own husband.  Bill and I now talk more about Faith with one another which had long been a desire of mine as he is such a wonderful husband and good person and this just adds to the blessings of our marriage.

The next few months from June forward have been a mix of ups and downs.  For a while it seemed like Bec was outwardly very healthy but she knew in her heart differently as she privately confided with some that she didn't expect to beat it this time.  She was the epitome of a purposeful and faith filled believer as she looked back with no regrets at the time she had been given since her initial bout with Cancer.  In early May, she had again served on team for Cursillo speaking about Piety and again forging forward to encourage others to draw closer to Christ.  I will never forget her saying to me upon completing this service that she felt like she had done what God had called her to do and was ready to accept death whenever God called her.

It is difficult to accept that as I have grown healthier in my own battle with Cancer, Bec has declined, become sicker, and grown weaker.  Both before entering hospice and throughout her time there, she continued  to amaze and inspire as did her husband Ed with his complete commitment to his wife in sickness and health and both of their complete trust in God. Three weeks ago, we were all somewhat shocked to be called to the hospital emergency room by Ed as what had seemingly been a normal doctor's visit and another Chemo infusion had ended with Bec experiencing severe pain and needing to go to the hospital. I had just seen her hours before while receiving an infusion at the same facility and even talked to them a bit later on the phone.  Now we were all confronted with the sad fact that Bec's continued stomach related symptoms from the past month had resulted in an obstruction to her intestine and the only fix was surgery.  Unfortunately, Bec would not have tolerated the surgery or likely been able to recover. So at that point we did what believers do we gathered together, prayed and comforted one another.

Bec entered a local hospice unit and for her first days there we all shared in a sort of living wake.  She was alert and with her typical sense of humor.  All the area priests visited Bec frequently and we even celebrated several masses in her hospice room #6.  One evening as we prayed the rosary our talented music minister brought her guitar and we sang joyfully many of our favorite faith filled songs.  She had so many visitors that the hospice unit had occasionally to shush us and as the days continued on visits had to be shortened to give both Bec and Ed a chance to rest.

The hospice journey which started out to be what we all expected would be a matter of days lingered on for 3 and a half weeks.  By her last week, Bec was extremely weak and slept almost continuously.  Though her body was ravaged by cancer and its symptoms, her spirit was strong and her young 62 year old body as well.  It was difficult to watch her body waste away and that vibrant spirit ebbing as she slowly declined and prepared to leave this world. Her spirit was matched by her husband, Ed's determination not to leave her side and to provide every care and comfort to her as he had vowed to do throughout their marriage and he did throughout from the onset of her cancer until her final breath. A weak ago as we celebrated mass one last time at the hospice unit I watched Bec struggle to participate in mass but was joyful to once more be in her presence celebrating the faith that sustains our community throughout our joys and sorrows.  As I embraced her and said goodbye that day I told her I loved her and she in her trademark way weakly said to me, "Back at ya!."

Yesterday, an early morning call from Ed summoned Bill and I to be with him as Bec had finally passed in peace and a small group of us gathered to pray final prayers over her body. Now her journey is complete and all that remains is to gather for funeral rites and say our final goodbyes.  We all went to St Patrick's yesterday, Sunday, to again celebrate mass as we do most Sundays and for me Bec's spirit was there joyful, faith filled and confident ... free from an early body that could no longer support such a remarkable soul. It was there that my first tears began to fall as I pondered how much she had meant to my life in such a short time.  During Bec's time in hospice one day, I sat on the edge of her bed held her hand and looked into her beautiful twinkling blue eyes, which my father used to say was the window to the soul, and tried to thank her for what she had meant to me. It had occurred to me earlier that day that although our time as close friends had been short it had been frought with meaning.  For some reason the story of the disciplines leaving Jerusalem on the way to Emmaus after the crucifixion made sense of this and gave me some understanding of this journey. I have learned that the trip between those two places in the Holy Land is short and when the disciples encountered unbeknown  to them the risen Jesus and shared with him the scriptures and finally broke bread together their eyes were opened. I shared this reflection with Bec and thanked her for all she had done to fortify my journey and told her that although our time together had been short I was so grateful and blessed to have come to know her even though relative to many others my time with her was brief. Ok so I admit I did tear up in room 6 when I said this to her....sorry Ed!  My tears as I told her were tears of joy for all she had meant to me and for the faith which as  a believer I believe would lead her to a new life in Christ one that is free from all suffering and where peace is eternal.  My friend, I hope you can in some way continue to watch over me and with your spirit which I feel is very close even though you have left us that you will somehow encourage and guide me and that one day God willing we will meet again.

Thoughts on Trusting God through Trial

Faith in God requires trust.  It is easy to feel affirmed and trusting when surrounded by good things in life but when the trials come where does this leave us?  We are so dependent on affirmations and when we experience those trying times we often struggle to accept and understand that God is indeed present in the good and in the bad working in our lives and the lives of others. Often our peace suffers because of  the actions of another something completely beyond our control. This peace is dependent on externals and   is easily destroyed.  It is only through better knowledge of God surrender and childlike  trust in his guidance both in our own lives and those of others that true serenity is possible.

Our love for others can be one of the greatest sources for pure joy. Case in point the love that as a parent you discover for your precious newborn or young child. Love however to be healthy often requires boundaries that can mean that we have to pull back even from someone we love deeply like a partner or a child. We cannot control others or their choices even from very early on and we must instead endeavor to focus on our own power of choice and mindset. Loving as a Christian may prompt us to do too much at times but genuine love requires a balance between our own needs and the needs of another.

It is at this point that we can grow by turning to God although  we cannot understand with our limited knowledge his all his ways.   When we allow God to inspire our actions and direct our paths or actions toward others we can further God's purpose in our world.  Lord, guide my journey this day and always.  Help me to trust you to handle what I cannot.  I so want the peace that you promise but I cannot find it in the circumstances of this life.  I can only find it through knowledge of you and through allowing and trusting you to direct my ways and those whom I love.  I must allow and trust  you to take control of my life. In doing so may I become pleasing to you and a light for others to come to see and know you.

Blogging, Praying and Trusting

This weekend I spent a rainy Saturday with a group of other Catholics at a formation for an upcoming weekend in late October called Cursillo. For those who have never heard the term "Cursillo," a brief explanation.  It is a long weekend for Catholics to spend time encountering Christ put on by past Cursillo attendees and religious from the Church.  It can be a powerful and transforming experience which for many can revolutionize their lives and facilitate a richer and deeper faith life. But that is not the purpose of today's entry...it is an introduction or reintroduction to my blog...yes I DO Blog. My time this weekend reminded me that God has gifted us each with unique talents that we are to use for him.  One of mine is writing or so I think. I have a busy brain with many thoughts running through it during the day sometimes I believe God has something he wants me to use this talent to "impart" but at the very least my thoughts if I write them down become a legacy for those close to me to discover what's on my mind.  Ultimately as I am constantly reminded who I am and what I do in this life is a gift from God and if I want to become his instrument then I must heed the promptings of the Spirit by writing down and sharing my thoughts.... 

So today as I actually seek to follow through with this prompting of the Spirit I felt called to review many of my half finished entries for one that seemed to convey some wisdom that perhaps I have learned, need to learn and can share.  My eye landed upon an unfinished entry about worrying less and praying more.  I am a worrier.  My worries frequently distract me from my responsibilities and good intentions.  I am the product of two parents who though they were faith filled individuals also worried too much.  Letting go of my worries today has been something I am reflecting upon. It is so easy to become bogged down by a multitude of details and to allow things like to dos or what ifs  to consume me.  For me this takes two forms.  First, I become over focused on someone whom I am worried or concerned about. When I feel as though something is wrong with someone I love or someone I love treats me poorly, I can easily become discouraged. Too often this becomes the point in my day where all my productivity is halted and  the whole day goes downhill.  The other major roadblock I encounter can be when I allow a concern or worry to consume my thoughts.  A great example this year would be my fears surrounding my Cancer diagnosis.  Things like how bad is it, what treatments do I need and now that I am through many treatments what if it comes back?

Some people claim that cancer is a gift but that ideal is angrily rejected by many. OK so maybe not a gift but definitely a turning point that causes the person diagnosed and those close to that person to reexamine and reevaluate their lives.  One theme that keeps coming up for me is that I need to turn my worries about others and about my own future over to God.  How do I do this?  Duh, I claim to be a person of faith and yet all too often I rely on my own understanding or better put my lack of understanding to solve problems that come my way.  Why don't I focus   my energy in another direction?  Why don't I consistently turn these obstacles  over to God in prayer and ask  for his help and direction? 

Too often I dwell on troubles and challenges instead of pushing them from my mind. Continuing to ruminate on the bad drains my energy and for the most part changes little. Here's an example, I argue with my daughter some mornings about any number of things that parents may argue with teenagers about and then worry about her after as she drives to school. I may allow this unpleasant experience to continue to influence my day or I may struggle with worry over her safety. What if instead, I made a conscious choice to let go of this experience and to ask God to bless her and guide her throughout the day ahead. For myself, I can examine my actions briefly and ask God for his pardon for my failures during that exchange and also for his direction for my actions and thoughts in the rest of my day and in future instances where my daughter and I may disagree. At this point, I can make a decision to let go of what is past and to look ahead to the future confident that God is close at hand to direct my path.

How many times have I sought to live out this wisdom?  I wrote the above paragraph almost 3 years ago and today I am still struggling to understand the limits of my power and the need to pray more, worry less and trust God to work both in my own life and in the lives of my children and in other of life's circumstances. Does this mean it is hopeless?  Certainly not!  I can take a quick tour in my mind of the past and see clearly that God has and is always working in my life and that my worrying has only served as a source for my own anxiety. Fortunately for me and for others too, I have learned that our God is a patient teacher and a loving parent who constantly teaches us and often teaches us over and over again the necessity of turning our problems over to him and trusting in his ability to deliver us each day. So remember today and keep reminding me as well to Worry less and Pray more! And for my fellow Cursillistas...de Colores!

Lessons from Cancer

I will always remember the words of the radiologist who did the biopsy that would confirm my breast cancer.  She told me, "You are going to have a hard year but you are going to be fine."  It was just the words of calm that I needed at the time as my blood pressure spiked and my anxiety seemed completely uncontrollable. Also from this doctor and others take things one day at a time.  It's been almost 6 months since then and the probability of my complete healing is beginning to seem like a reality.

From March through June, I underwent 6 chemotherapy treatments every three weeks.  The physical toll it takes on you is substantial.  I went from playing tennis which I was really enjoying three or four times per week to not being able to play at all.  Climbing stairs was an effort.  I lost my hair, my skin was broken out in a red rash, and my fingernails and toenails began to yellow, ridge and become brittle.  I wish I could say I lost weight but that will have to come once I am truly more healthy again.  For most of the summer, I was unable to do the work I love teaching little ones to swim.  I had to plan mini vacations with my family around my treatments.  I can look back thinking about all those things I lost but instead I will chose to focus on what I have learned and gained.

First and foremost, my faith is stronger than ever.  A Christian looks to Jesus for healing as the bible is filled with stories of his compassion for the sick and how his touch healed many.  At the outset of this journey, I received the sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick which is administered to Catholics.  The priest anointed my head  and hands with oil while a group from our church prayed for my healing.  It was a powerful reminder of my own reliance on God for healing and also an affirmation of the love and prayers from my church community which gave me hope and strength. I was determined to rely on my faith for strength from the outset.  Whatever happened I wanted to accept God's will in allowing me to suffer from this illness and ultimately to accept whatever would come as a result of this illness.

Thankfully God sends angels into our lives not always winged supernatural creatures but often extraordinary individuals whose strength and guidance seems heaven sent.  This blog would go on forever if I listed each individual who reached out and helped to pull me along in this journey but one extraordinary person appeared just when I needed her most.  Bec is a fellow cancer warrior and survivor.  A year ago when I thought cancer was not something relevant to my life I watched Bec, a member of my church, go through surgery and chemotherapy and prayed for her healing and marveled at her strength.  Although our paths had crossed in church, it was not until the start of my own illness that I came to truly better know and appreciate Bec and her strength of faith and conviction.
 In January when I first became aware of my possible illness and diagnosis, I began to frequent daily mass.  Bec and her husband Ed were there everyday with hugs support and prayers and most importantly the wisdom to trust in God and not to be afraid.  They both became mine and my husband's mentors for how to face the unknown prospects that come with a serious illness and how to allow God to move you closer to him through trial.  I've learned that surviving cancer for whatever time is an opportunity to pay it forward and to give thanks for your health and those who have blessed you by redoubling your efforts to serve God and reach out to others.

In addition to what I've learned spiritually as a result of this disease I've also come to understand this disease and its affect on individuals who fight to survive and receive treatment.  I confess to being completely ignorant about Cancer for the most part until my own diagnosis.  A couple of years ago I had begun following a young girl from the Orlando Florida area named Talia Castellano who was fighting neuroblastoma.  I read her updates on my Facebook and was drawn to her spunky warrior attitude.  Last Fall, I watched her on the Ellen Show.  Talia though just 13 was an aspiring makeup artist who became a You Tube sensation.  She rejected wearing wigs despite her hair loss and instead chose to use make up as a focus to accentuate her beautiful features.  This young lady was however more than a fashion obsessed teen.  In her interview with Ellen, she was asked how despite her diagnosis she stayed so positive.  Her reply, "What am I supposed to do be depressed?  A little fishy once told me...just keep swimming."  This line was in reference to the character Dory from Finding Nemo whose voice came from Ellen DeGeneres and whose motto to just keep swimming is a great mantra for anyone going through any struggle especially Cancer.  It is is a fun way to remember to take things one day at a time and keep going and appreciate what each day brings you.  A few other lessons from Talia.  First, childhood cancer is robbing too many children of their lives and far too little resources are being directed toward finding a cure.  Most everyone with cancer wants to live no matter their age. I know 48 seemed too early for me to leave this life and my husband and kids but I can at least say that I've had my fair share of life marriage, children, travel and many other experiences.  These kids who succumb to childhood cancer are robbed of far too much in life.

Watch this video to understand how cancer is affecting children and what you can do.  Sadly Talia became one of the children lost to this horrible disease on July 16, 2013. Shortly before her death, she chose to encourage donations to a local Children's Cancer Charity in Orlando.  Her fundraising to date has raised over $125,000.  It is a reminder that our lives do not have to be defined by length of days but by what we do during the time that God gives us.

Another group of cancer warriors that commanded my attention were those suffering from metastatic breast cancer.  Again prior to my diagnosis, I knew precious little about breast cancer beyond what we hear a lot of especially during October when we see pink everywhere and discuss the importance of mammograms and early detection.  Once diagnosed with breast cancer the foremost question on your mind is have I caught this early enough has this spread?  In my own case, all the signs were encouraging.  I had regular mammograms and no concern had appeared in my previous mammogram just 10 months earlier.  I had my initial MRI and ultrasound that suggested that my lymph nodes were not involved but until my sentinel node biopsy and follow up pathology report last week my mind was not at ease.  Many women are surviving breast cancer but those who are dying are those whose cancer metastasizes.  Far too much is not understood about how this occurs and how to effectively treat it. I am currently following a number of women on Facebook and on other blogs who must fight daily against metastatic breast cancer.  For them, there is no complete cure.  they continue to require chemotherapy and other treatment not with the goal of a cure but with the goal of prolonging their lives and hopefully living with minimal symptoms. These are women of all ages as women can be diagnosed with breast cancer even as young as 21 and far too often these women have very aggressive cancers and a poor prognosis. Just ask Bridget Spence a 29 year old who died this past April after fighting this disease for 8 years having discovered it just shortly after her college graduation.  You can read her blog My Big Girl Pants to catch glimpses of the toll this disease takes on someone with this diagnosis  http://mybiggirlpants.blogspot.com/  Another very informative website is http://www.metavivor.org/Awareness.html  This explains more about metastatic breast cancer and also discusses what is a public misperception that all breast cancer is curable.  There is still more that needs to be done to win this fight.

Truly Cancer has changed my life.  Right now I feel incredibly blessed.  I have a good prognosis following a successful lumpectomy and a negative sentinel node biopsy.  I still will need to undergo radiation and most likely take something like tamoxifen for the best long term prognosis but the future health wise looks promising.  I cannot forget the lessons I have learned during these past 6 months or so.  First and foremost would be the value of each day of my life and to take a hard look at how I am spending it.  Second would be the need to open my eyes to the suffering of others and to make the most of opportunities to have compassion and understanding for the many in this world who suffer in some way. Finally, I am learning more so than ever the value of prayer.  Prayer is about accepting and learning from what challenges you are faced with.  It is about accepting that you don't have all of the answers in life and that often the most you can do is pray especially for those things that you cannot control and to seek to accept with serenity those people and circumstances that you cannot change.  Trust that God alone can do what we can't and seek to understand his will in your own life.

Viewing and Visiting Venice

Another installment of our voyage through Italy.  The city of Venice conjures up many romantic images and it is certainly a place where romantics just have to go.  Surrounded by water below sea level and with visions of gondoliers paddling you around it has a unique flavor unlike any other.  Our quartet arrived via train on Saturday, May 5, 2012 from and then proceeded by water taxi to our hotel.  Traveling by water taxi is crowded and noisy but with no cars anywhere in this city which actually is composed of many islands connected by numerous bridges it is walk or take the water taxi.

Just as in Rome, our accommodations were just what we wanted and needed.  First location.  Our Hotel Pagnelli was just steps from the water taxi which meant that our over packed American suitcases only had to be drug a short distance into the lobby and up the stairs to our rooms.  The hotel Pagnelli was once a convent and our charming albeit small courtyard rooms overlooked nearby rooftops.  Soon after our arrival we were thrilled to hear the bells ringing from the nearby church.  As the title of this post indicates Venice is definitely a city with beautiful and picturesque views around every corner.

We settled in in time to set off for one of Rick Steve's suggestions the pub crawl. Another noisy water taxi but we soon found ourselves in another part of the city past the Bridge of Sighs and wandering in and out of shops in search of  of wine and dinner.  Ok so maybe the pub crawl is better for the younger crowd so we decided to choose instead to sit down to dinner in a restaurant and have wine and food served to us instead of jostle for space and limited table space in pubs where people seemed to mostly be standing.  Cannot remember the name of the restaurant and what we ate but  can suggest that if you visit Venice and see something you like you should probably stop then and there because in the maze of very narrow streets, you will never find it again but more on that later...following a quiet and wonderful dinner experience we set off to walk off the latest round of Italian dining which is not hard to do in Venice where walking is the best option.  Nighttime had set in a we wandered over bridges and through the narrow streets to a much quieter city than when we had arrived.  Venice is a popular cruise stop so during the day the narrow streets are very crowded with day visitors making evening and night when the big boats sail away a much better option.

Imagine at night with only light from windows...

Our evening still held a few more adventures in store.  First we took Rick Steve's suggestion about finding a gondola off the beaten path. 9 to 10 PM was a perfect time to hire a gondola and we did so far away from the Grand Canal.  The full moon was as the song says like a big pizza pie and the perfect setting for amore as we paddled quietly along the waterways and past the bridges and buildings and sights like no other in the world.

 Next Rick, that's Rick Bavec, set out with a mission to find the best dessert in all Venice. Did I tell you walking was the way to go?  Anyway Italy is supposed to be about canolis right we have all had them at the Olive Garden or Carrabbas...Just do a quick Yelp or Google search and you can find anything...well not walking in Venice! And probably not cannolis as they are Sicilian and Venice is in Northern Italy far from Sicily!  Nor with a declining battery in your Iphone.  We never did find it but we did walk off dinner and find our way back to the water taxi.

Bill  analyzing politics & leading the way

When you are in Europe everyone knows you are American, go figure.  Anyway while waiting for the water taxi, we encountered a group of French tourists who upon discovering we were American wanted to ask us for the name of President Obama's latest book.  Warning skip this section if conservative Republican politics offends you....Bill responded without skipping a beat, "How I destroyed America. " Just as in Rome when Sherrie and I went for gelato in our PJs pretending it was Walmart, we did America proud by letting them know that this group of Americans were not Obama lovers!

So no dessert but we did find another open restaurant nearby the hotel where we wandered in. Note European spaces are very small be extremely careful when walking through a restaurant especially after drinking wine!  While sitting down for a late night coffee  (could have been our 2nd night there) but is too funny not to share, I accidentally bumped into a gentleman's table and his bottled water spilled into his lap.  Being a polite semi Southern American, I did my best to apologize in my very best Italian.  I turned around to discover that all my companions had fled the restaurant leaving me!  Apparently, my loving and devoted husband upon discovering my mishap signalled Sherrie and Rick and led the way out of the restaurant leaving me abandoned in a foreign country.  Don't worry, I love you all and do forgive you!

Rainy day in Venice

Shopping!

Did I say the weather was perfect?  Ok forgot, it did rain in Venice!  Bad morning for walking through narrow streets past many cruise tourists with umbrellas.  Good day for some shopping and to wander through an art museum in St Marks square. Venice is a good place to shop for glass and is also fun to look a souvenirs from the annual Carnival which is the big festival prior to the beginning of Lent when elaborate costumes are worn with masks. St Marks Square is beautiful.  The Cathedral of St Mark houses the bones of the apostle Mark.  We went to Mass in this beautiful cathedral one of our days there, a highlight for us all on our trip.  Also walking into the square en route to the Correr Gallery, we walked past a string quartet playing music.  I have always thought that Sherrie and Rick were some of the most romantic people I know and still are after 25 years of marriage. Right there in the middle of the square Rick and Sherrie began dancing and twirling while the bad played. Check out the video below!  I guess the romance is still there!

St Mark's Cathedral, Piazzo San Marco

 Next stop the museum.  Sherrie and I both found that we love to look at paintings and try to comprehend the message of the art.  I myself was in awe of the beauty of so much religious inspired works of art.  Our boys like the quick tour and then to find a place to sit and take in the sights and people watching along the square.  They were patient with us but as Bill says," How many pictures of Madonna and baby can you look at?"

Rick & Bill loving the Art

Did I say Venice is crowded?  Next, we escaped the hoards of cruise tourists via water taxi to San Giorgio Maggiore another spectacular church across the Grand Canal. Wherever you are in Europe, Catholic churches are a great place to see amazing architecture and some fabulous artwork.  We also encountered  outside this grand cathedral some type of local rose festival where Sherrie and were crowned with roses by some of the locals.

San Giorgio Maggiore...no crowds!

 Back to the main part of Venice looking for a quiet place overlooking a canal for some lunch. If you walk back off the main streets of Venice you can hope to find somewhere away from the tourists where you can have lunch in a more peaceful surrounding right? Rick took the lead with use walking behind. Remember earlier, I warned to stop whenever you see something? Well we did find the less crowded parts of Venice but we never did find the perfect lunch spot next to the canal again!

Ideal spot for Lunch

Walking!

Resting from Walking

Finally we eat! 

By the time we stopped walking I'm thinking 2 hours later all the cruise people had mostly cleared out and it was dinnertime. Our Last evening in Venice had arrived.  Tuscany and Wine Country awaited us in the morning.  We were glad to have visited Venice as it is completely unique.  After Rome and Venice, we were ready for a few days of the Italian countryside and still saying each day, "We're in still in Italy."

View across is St Marks Square & Doge Palace

Revisiting Rome

I can't believe it has been 1 year since our amazing trip to Italy. "Our trip is Sherrie & Rick Bavec's, Bill and my trip of a lifetime that started with a wish from Sherrie to spend her 50th birthday in Italy. Remembering back gives me such joy as every moment almost without exception was perfect. Of course how could it not be when you get to travel to the Eternal City with two of the best friends that you ever had or will have in your whole life?  While I was there, I was just too busy to take the time to record every precious memory.  Now, one year to the anniversary of our time in Rome I want to share some of what made it so incredible. 

First of all the weather not only in Rome but throughout our 11 day Italian adventure was sunny and beautiful.  

Was that a blessing from God or what? Our flight over from Philadelphia was relatively turbulence free and despite the anxiety of one of our fellow travelers we arrived to a beautiful morning in Rome safe and sound.  We then traveled in the wrong taxi to the perfect apartment with a view overlooking the Vatican a bit jet lagged but nevertheless anxious and excited to start our tour on foot of this beautiful city.  Lunch was the first order of the day.  Just a few streets away we began our Italian feasting with what else but pasta and good wine. 

We sent out over the Ponte St Angelo which flows over the River Tiber and could be called the bridge of Angels with an eye toward exploring some of the cities ancient ruins. One of our tag lines for the trip quickly became, "We're in Italy, " as it was amazing to think that after 18 years of friendship we had finally planned and taken a trip together and it became our way of pinching ourselves each day to remind ourselves that we were really here in this magnificent country. 

Onto the Pantheon one of the best preserved ancient buildings in all of Rome... talk about a walk through History!  Today this structure is a Catholic church and this was my first opportunity to drag everyone through and to see every church that I could possibly find along the way throughout Italy.  But to me the beauty of each of these churches and artistic masterpieces found within, calls me to reflect upon the grandeur and majesty of God. 

At this point we found ourselves feeling the jet lag and the effects of it having been 24 hours since we left the US.  Time for us to return to our Vatican flat/apartment for some gelato and a little rest before our planned tour of Rome by night. 

We awoke refreshed well sort of and made our way downstairs to where we were met by Sergio who actually was supposed to have driven us from the airport earlier.  Who knew so many Campbells were coming to Rome on the same day?  We set off at sunset for a fabulous tour of the city.  One of our first stops was atop one of Romes seven hills for a spectacular view of this city.  

 Next, we were off winding through Rome's very narrow streets very grateful for the skill of our Roman driver.  No trip to Rome is complete without a visit to the Trevi fountain to toss in a coin and  hopefully ensure that you will one day return. Our stop here was full of laughs and comic relief .  That coin I tossed was supposed to land in the fountain not hit Sherrie in the eye!  Another highlight was seeing my favorite tea drinker experience her first taste of espresso. Coffee here is served in small cups but it is just the lift for the weary jet lagged traveler.    

On we traveled as the city began to light up past many famous Roman sites such as the Spanish Steps, Circus Maximus, and the Arch of Constantine to name a few.  It was quite a moment when Rick Bavec exclaimed looking out the window, "Look it's the frickin coliseum," we are really in Rome.! Indeed. Once again our evening finished with a wonderful restaurant in Trastaverde with pasta, wine and for the truly adventurous American, fish served with the head on.  A quick taxi ride and a stroll back next to the Vatican as the busy city quieted down for the night. 

The frickin coliseum! 

Sleep followed by another dawn of another glorious day.  Perfect for our tour of the Vatican Gardens.  Nothing like a beautiful Spring Day to  enjoy sunshine, flowers and spaces dedicated to inspiring faith and devotion.  Strolling  along the paths on a relatively quiet tour past beautiful flowers and impeccably manicured lawns and shrubs, it was not difficult to imagine the Pope on a quiet day or evening taking out time to pray and reflect or pausing to listen in a way that allows each of us to experience God's presence in the silence of our hearts. 

Next stop the grandeur of St Peters Basilica.  Here I got my nickname "Vicapedia."  I was determined to take in every nook and cranny of this place I had dreamed about and watched on television all my life growing up Catholic. So much to see!  As I look back, there are not many photos of St Peters as it is dedicated as a place of worship and photos are deemed to take away from this experience.  First stop was Michelangelo's Pieta where you gaze upon one the artist's most famous works. Walking up toward the main altar there is the bronze statue of St Peter germs or not I was determined to wait my term to kiss the toe of this statue out of respect for our first Pope. Onward to the majesty of the main altar and then below to the tombs of many popes including John Paul II whose life and writings have been such an inspiration to me.  I hope to live to see the day when he will be declared a Saint.  Also in the main church, we spent time gazing upon the glass coffin of Pope John XXIII famous for his reform of the church and now canonized.  Since travelling to Rome, I have had occasion to read his book Journal of a Soul and learned more about the remarkable spirituality of this great pope. 

Finally our stomachs demanded that we leave St Peters and make our way to lunch.  Bill was starving. More wine and more pasta for me.  Next a stop at Soprani which we had been directed to by our deacon in Warner Robins for a few religious mementos and souvenirs.  Truly was the dollar store of the Vatican.  We returned back to our flat again to prepare for our evening visit to the Vatican museum while our boys shopped for a stay in dinner at a local market and of course more wine.  

Our tour of the Vatican museum was amazing.  We had an American graduate student from Temple University who educated us on the treasures which have been preserved from ancient times.  Many of the artistic works found within including paintings, statues and tapestries offer a visual journey through the history of faith depicted by the greatest artists in the world including Rafael, Leonardo and Michelangelo. The Sistine Chapel is breathtaking.  Gazing at the genius painted by the young Michelangelo who did not even consider painting to be his preferred medium., one is completely awestruck.  We had chosen to tour the museum during the evening and the setting sun and coming of night brought a beautiful close to our full day in and around the Vatican. 

We returned to our flat a short walk across the street to unwind, eat and prepare for our departure to Venice the following day.  During our time at the Vatican museum, an overseas call brought some sadness over this day as we learned that one of the Bavec kitties, Teddy, so very special to the entire family especially their youngest son was suffering from cancer.  The prospect of losing a pet for someone who loves an animal and especially for a young adult who is new to facing loss is very difficult indeed. Being an ocean away and not able to comfort your child is tough but we were in Italy with 3 more cities and 8 days till our return flight so after a long Skype call, Sherrie and I decided to head downstairs to the street below in our slippers and PJs...that's right our jammies...love the Americans for class and style!  We had to have one last taste of the best gelato in Rome at the Old Bridge Gelateria.   Next day, we would begin another chapter in our Italian adventure after all we were still in Italy, together on the trip of a lifetime! 

Nighttime in Trastaverde

Being Joyful Where I have been Planted

Floridian most of my life, Florida Gator by the Grace of God.  I'm sure many of my Georgia friends know that my heart is often in and on Florida what with the ocean, memories from childhood and  36 years of my 48 lived there it will always have a special place in my heart!

For the last 7 years,  I've lived in Warner Robins, Georgia and struggled at times to acclimate to this place.  From Georgia Bulldog Fever, a much smaller town and being in the difficult years of life trying to successfully parent teenagers, it has certainly had its trying times.  This blog started a little over three years ago and my intent was to challenge myself to live fully right here in Georgia right when I am presently. As a  recent book I am reading from Matthew Kelly reminds me, we can always challenge ourselves to be a better version of ourselves which means sometimes we move forward but at times truthfully we backslide.

Cancer has been a real wake up call for me.  As I look right inside and outside my own home just like Dorothy I need to stop and appreciate what God has placed before me right now.  So no promises that I won't one day move back to Florida but I want

to say some nice things about Georgia and my life today.

Starting right in and outside of my own home.  I am incredibly blessed with a wonderful husband 27 years of marriage August.  He has been in my life since I was 17 and I cannot devote enough words to all that he is faithful, hardworking, honest, dependable, positive, helpful... he is is truly an extraordinary individual and one of the greatest gifts that God has ever given me.  I should never have a single day of feeling sad or sorry for myself with this man in my life! My children still do send life's little surprises but as they are growing I am having glimpses of the people they might and hopefully do ultimately become.  Have I done everything right? No! But neither have I done everything wrong.  I am learning to accept with serenity that who they become is more dependent on their choices and what I truly believe is their acceptance and understanding and cooperation of what God wills for their lives.  I am just one of many instruments that may or may not influence this outcome. I have been blessed to see that they each love me and show me  in their own and unique ways that they do value me and want to keep me around!

Outside in Georgia right now you will hear many complaints about the pollen but every Spring Georgia puts on the most beautiful show of flowers that blesses my soul each and every day! Dogwoods, wisteria, Bradford Pear trees, azaleas and cherry blossoms to name a few.  It is always a reminder to me of God's majesty and creativity as each year rolls around bringing life a renewal at the same time as Easter is announcing the wonder, joy and promise of new life in Christ our Savior. One of my favorite Bible verses speaks to me about the beauty God sends us each Spring and the value he places on us."Why are you anxious about clothes? Learn from the way the wild flowers grow. They do not work or spin.  But I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was clothed like one of them." Mt 6:28-29.  It does not matter where I go in this life as God has created a wonderful and beautiful world.

My faith has ultimately been everywhere I have lived a place for refuge, peace and stability. Yes, I am Catholic, yes this is the deep South and sadly many here view Catholics with suspicion almost as if we were part of some cult. I can say with certainty that I truly love and value what my Catholic faith has to offer wherever I go. I have lived in New Hampshire, Connecticut, Florida and now Georgia. I have visited Germany, Italy and Mexico and wherever I have gone I have walked through the doors of Catholic churches and appreciated the familiarity that comes with being Catholic.  I know how each and every service proceeds whether I speak the language or not.   The word Catholic means "universal." It is the faith that traces its history back to the apostles and we do read the Bible at each and every Mass which is what we call a church service. I don't have to worry about shopping for churches when I move as I can count on this wherever I go. 

Lastly, I will say that I am most thankful  here in Georgia being a part of a wonderful neighborhood, community and especially my church community at St Patrick's in Kathleen.  These elements are very intertwined.  Many of my very closest friends I have met here right in my own backyard are also members at St Patrick's.  Although it has taken time, St Patrick's is the first place I think of beyond my own family when I need support as I have and still do facing and fighting cancer.  I can count on prayers from many and an overwhelming feeling of love and peace every time I walk through the doors for church or some other event. Lest some of you reading this blog think you are not included, my neighborhood extends beyond the Brantley and St Patrick's where I have been surrounded by many wonderful friends that  came through my children, through many years of cheerleading and Bill's work at Frito Lay.  I would also be remiss in not mentioning the  joy that I have experienced by teaching swimming during the summer and the many in the community who have trusted their children to me.  I can't wait till I can get back to doing this as my swim kids and parents are the absolute best and each and every day I work, they are the ones who  teach me and give me a special purpose. 

So here's hoping that this post has done a little to eradicate all the negative things you've heard me say about Georgia and my last 7 years in Warner Robins.  Things are not so bad.  Even cancer is not so bad.  It's given me a chance to have some real perspective and true to what the radiologist doing my biopsy told me in February, I am learning to live in the here and now and to take things one day at a time.  Hopefully, I will find the way today to be the best version of myself and to truly appreciate all that God blesses me with each and everyday. 

Journeying through Cancer with Faith and Hope

Can't believe that I have had nothing to say for so long.  I intended for my journey through breast cancer to be a subject for me to blog about about and further clarify my faith in God as I move through this trial.  The reality is that on many days  the side effects of chemotherapy have me feeling awful.  To those reading this my first message is your health is a gift from God cherish it everyday it is not something to be taken for granted.  Put this at the top of the daily gratitude list.

It is hard to keep a positive perspective when you feel lousy.  When it is an effort to just take a shower, dry your hair and get dressed without sitting down you're not doing too good. I'm not saying this to emphasize poor me but to just say that we .... me including take so much in our lives for granted.  Having Cancer on a good day is an invitation for me to put life into perspective.  I've thought a lot these past weeks about what really matters to me in this life kind of like I did when I lost my mother and also like I did when I first became a parent. I've firmly resolved to make each day count, make sure that God is first in my life, to try to be more thankful for every person God has put in my path and to stop wasting time doing things that don't matter.  Great resolutions however when you feel so crummy you feel like all you are doing is wasting time.

Cancer diagnosis and treatment  has been to date an emotional roller coaster.   First, from discovery of a breast  lump and the stark realization that this could be malignant and that you could indeed die from this thing growing inside you.  It is quite a paradox initially to feel fine and reasonably healthy enough but then with a few diagnostic tests you are whisked into a whole new dimension. You go from seeing a doctor perhaps 3 times in a given year to having as many as 3 or 5 days of doctors appointments and procedures in one week.  You go from believing that you have choices and everything reasonably under control to experiencing panic and anxiety which you are unable to control.

When I first confronted the possibility of this diagnosis, I went straight to my Faith in God.  Firstly, I do believe  that my life is a gift from Almighty God.  I believe that he sent his son, Jesus, into the world to show us how to live, love, serve and suffer and I want my life to echo that in how I live. Also, you cannot hear the word cancer and not think of death and dying.  Cancer kills people and when you confront the possibility that you have cancer it is impossible not to think that having cancer could mean that this is how you will die and also to go to the worst possible scenario that it could be coming sooner that you expect. If you have complete trust in God, you are willing to accept that God is the one who determines when and how you will die.  At 48, I'm still considered young but I have to say that I feel I have had my full share of blessings in this life.  I've had a wonderful and loving husband, 3 healthy and beautiful children who although they have challenged me I feel and am assured of their love for me and have shared much joy with them and through them.  I have had many wonderful friends, I have traveled many places and have had more than my share of material blessings in this life. So as a believer my response was Lord I am ready to go if that is your will for me.

I did my best to stay in that frame of mind right up to the day of my biopsy about 2 weeks later.  That was when I truly started to lose it and spiral out of control.  My blood pressure spiked up so high I was afraid I was going to have a stroke and panic set in.  I like to have a plan always what I am doing week to week and where I am going for my next vacation.  I do not like or welcome many of the trials that come in life such as the challenges that come from raising teens and certainly not this latest trial which is a real life changer. I want to feel as though life is predictable and controllable.  In retrospect, I can always look back and see that real growth happens from life's challenges and from a faith perspective I can say I can see how God worked in everything but in the midst of trials complete faith and trust often feels elusive.  Yet in this case, control is what is an illusion.  I could do nothing about this condition.  I've had to turn to doctors to help plan and determine the course for ridding my body of this disease.  I've had to wait impatiently for my turn at an appointment and for all the tests, and diagnoses to reveal when and how I can be treated and learn to trust and hope for a complete cure which appears to be pretty likely. My plans for this year such as work and vacations are on hold and are rather insignificant because I must focus all my energy and time into healing.  I am learning firsthand about living the mantra of the alcoholic and how to live one day at a time.

It is remarkable to me that I am traveling this road at the same time of year as when I said goodbye to my mother 23 years ago in the days and weeks leading up to Easter Sunday.  My Cancer diagnosis came just before the start of Lent this year which is the season that Catholics and many other Christian denominations spend focused on self denial and sorrow for sins in preparation for Easter which is the birth of the Christian church and the celebration of Jesus' live giving victory over death.  It is a time for moving from great sorrow to great and utter joy. Likewise, my mother passed away on Holy Thursday, the day celebrated in remembrance of Jesus' last supper. It was my memories of Easter and many Easter's celebrating with her that helped me put into perspective that her death even though I was unprepared for it and it seemed too soon was truly an occasion to be celebrated with faith, hope and ultimately joy for her as a believer in God.

Journeying through my current struggle there have been many high and low moments.  During both, I have experienced God working in me and through others to keep me moving forward and for this I have been and trust that I will continue to be blessed. I have experienced the love of my friends and family as they have listened, reached out, sent cards, cooked meals and planned celebrations and provided me with powerful affirmations that have allowed me to experience how much love and support God has graced me with in this life.  This is truly how God reaches to us through the hands and feet of others to keep us going through the tough times and to further resolve that when you have ultimately journeyed through your own struggle how you too can use your time to give back to others. I have also experienced the individual struggles like those that come in the middle of the night when fear and terror grab ahold of  you and you feel very alone yet that is when your Faith compels you to reach to God who promises to be with you always.  I have learned to keep my rosary on my bedside table where I can remind myself of how God loves us and how his own Son suffered just for love of us.  It helps me to put my trust in God and gives me peace to know that he will never abandon me.  I know that this trial is ultimately, my  opportunity to grow in Faith by putting my complete trust in God as he leads me through the storm and into a new and better life. There are days when certain Bible verses come into and resound in my heart and songs about faith in God that I hear and sing to my soul everyday.  Days like today when I feel physically pretty good are opportunities for me to praise God and see how he ultimately delivers me.

I  began writing this post on the day after the announcement of our new pope, Pope Francis I.  That particular day started for me amid lots of physical struggle.  Chemotherapy had me feeling terrible.  My white blood cell count was so low I could not leave the house.  Everything, I ate tasted awful, my stomach was irritiated, and I had no energy for anything.  An email from a friend both reminded me that the papal conclave was going on and alerted me to turn on my TV as news of the announcement of the new pope was forthcoming.  Seeing the images of the Vatican brought back  fond memories the trip that I had taken to Rome last year with my husband and two very good friends. It was truly the trip of a lifetime one that started with a simple wish and snowballed into almost 2 weeks of awesomeness spent  experiencing Italy and places at the very heart of the Catholic faith. It was both an opportunity for gratitude of blessings past and an opportunity to look forward with joy to the future.  As the world greeted a simple and humble man and prayed, I personally felt the most joy I had felt in days and perspective returned to my soul. That evening in Rome as the rain came down and the world celebrated with Faith and Hope its new leader, I also recalled a beautiful and sunny day walking through the Vatican Garden and so many other images of God that bombard the senses of a visitor to Rome who is open to and in search of the truly remarkable presence of God in our lives both in our joys and also in our struggles and sorrows.

I know that there is still much ahead on  this journey. My hope is that I will not loose sight and hold tight to the Faith which I know can and will sustain me.  Tomorrow is round 2 of chemotherapy.  I feel better prepared for what to expect this time and I will be sure to look to God to bring me through this!