Waiting

Today I contemplate waiting. I spend enough time doing this. Waiting at the doctors, waiting at the deli counter, waiting on my children to be ready to go and waiting for an answer to something that I am questioning or struggling with. Looking outside, I am waiting for nicer weather, sunshine and warmth. Whatever the wait is for it is sometimes difficult. I am pretty good at waiting at the doctors as long as I have a good book to read to occupy my time. This helps me to cope. Spring is coming I know because it is a sure thing in the cycle of the seasons.

I can learn some truths from each of these. First, you must find a way to occupy yourself when you have no choice but to wait. Second given time like Spring things will happen. Waiting on my children especially my youngest these days produces a good deal of impatience on my part especially when she is making everyone in the family wait. Patience is a must here. I am waiting on her to grow so that she will become less self centered and more motivated to work within the family unit. Hopefully this is like the seasons and will come in time when this season of the teens passes. I remind myself that not so long ago it was her sister who was always the last out of the door. So during this time, I try to be patient while at the same time I try to motivate and inspire change. Although I may have some influence, ultimately she has a degree of control over this and I am not completely in control. This has been a lesson that my children have been teaching me for years since way back even before potty training.

So what about those things in life that I am struggling with and for which there seems to be no easy and quick answer? Or what about when something has gone wrong and I am waiting for things to be made right? My faith tells me to pray. When I calm myself and take the time to do this I am comforted and feel a sense of peace. To get to this place I must allow myself to trust that God is in control, God will show me the way and God will make things right according to his will. This morning as I was reading the daily readings I read Psalm 145:14-15 which says,

"The LORD is trustworthy in every word, and faithful in every work. The LORD supports all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look hopefully to you; you give them their food in due season."

So as I wait, it may help to be reminded of these words that if I am to be faithful I must believe. God knows my needs and has the answers; it is up to me to trust in this and to persevere knowing that I must and can trust all things to his care.

My Struggle to understand how and why to forgive

I have missed a number of days reading and taking the time to reconnect with God during this season of Lent. On Sunday in Church I told myself that I needed to get back on track. I prayed especially for my children and recalled as I do believe that they are God's greatest lesson to us in what it means to truly love. I recalled that as the mother of 3 teens the many ways in which they have each tested me over the last few years. I realize that their relationship to me as their mother is much like mine with God. He instructs me, counsels me, and loves me and still I fail to appreciate the depth of his love and to respond as I know I should.

Today I read about forgiveness something we all need. Something we must work to extend others. This is something that I have learned to give freely to my children for the most part. Sometimes however I do have a tendency to struggle with when to trust them again as in order to preserve a family, we put continue to hope that they will choose the right path. With others is is not always so easy. Time seems to heal most grudges but I always feel as though I should be quicker to forgive.

What is forgiveness? Most of us want to think that it is a form of reconciliation where one side admits their wrong and the the other side seeing the other's contrition forgives and lets go. But is that really what forgiveness is all about? What about when you perceive a wrong and the other steadfastly is not sorry or sees no wrong to their words or actions? How can forgiveness happen here.? This is my struggle. How can we forgive when another is so clearly wrong?

I was reflecting on this over the last week. I thought of the words of Jesus on the cross, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do?" I thought of the admonishment to forgive our brothers 70x 7. It seems that wrong is part of the human condition. None of us can be right or good all the time. We need to forgive and be forgiven.

So perhaps forgiveness is acceptance of the human condition. We all sin at one time or another to varying degrees. Yesterday's gospel at church spoke of the man born blind and healed by Jesus. We all have varying degrees of blindness and are in need of healing. Perhaps the way to forgiveness begins with acknowledgement that we have been hurt or are being hurt. We pray for the courage to forgive and pray in earnest for those who we believe have done us wrong. We make every effort to let go of our desire for retribution and trust God to ultimately heal and make all things right.

We may or may not choose to continue a relationship even once we reach the point of forgiving and letting go. In some cases, those we have forgiven may be unwilling to change or acknowledge what we believe to be true. Forgiveness releases the forgiver from feelings of bitterness and puts trust and hope in God that those people can be healed or if not that justice will at some point and at Gods time of choosing prevail.