More from the Prodigal and the Blame game

Some days being a parent is far from what you imagined and hoped. When my son was born shortly after my mother's death, there were so many days of joy and simple pleasures. To this day I cannot think of anything that gave more pure joy to my life. Taking Will to the park daily or taking him to the nearby Springs in the Summer and basking in the joy of him sitting in the water close to shore while the fish darted close to his feet as he played and giggled these are great memories.

Sadly now I find myself confronted by a child that bears little resemblance to this person for whom I had so many hopes and dreams. Clashes over who he has become and what he intends to do with his life now seem to dominate every exchange between this child and his father and me. We continue to wonder what could we have done different?

Despite that we love him and have spent countless hours of worry and effort to try to give him the best opportunities in life, he feels that we do not listen or care and wants nothing more than to be away from us. The pain from this lack of appreciation is profound. In my heart, I believe that we have done everything for this child and been good parents. Will is at a point where despite the opportunities given to him and the love of his parents it is up to him. He wants to be treated as an adult yet is angry that he is being held to the responsibilities of that role. Since the beginning of high school we have watched with disappointment his poor choices and how they continue to move him to a place of less and less opportunity.

We have tried to intervene in meaningful ways. Counselors, tutors, changing schools and ultimately an intervention program his final year of high school in a desperate attempt to help him turn away from drugs and get his high school diploma. We were so hopeful in August when he reached this milestone. Sadly despite our best efforts and intentions, our son has not taken control of his life. He instead resents us and everything we have done and all our current efforts to encourage him to take charge of his life.

Since moving back home about a week ago, he has become more and more demanding and resentful. It seems impossible for him to recognize that what we want for him is to support him in a way that allows him to move forward in life. Yet as adults who have some understanding of the demands of day to day life, we are seeking to hold him accountable for his choices. He is in a very sad place. He is angry because he has no idea what direction that he wants to take in his life. All our suggestions college or trade school are labeled as unreasonable expectations and he is lost in a place where he has no motivation to work toward any goal. His day to day existence is focused on hanging out with friends, having a girlfriend although this person changes frequently, playing video games and partying. If he had his way, he would not work, sleep all day, play video games and party all night. This is not a lifestyle that we can accept.

Last night ended with yet another angry exchange. He wants us to pay for him to live in a dorm in Florida and go to college. Although going away to college was part of our dreams for our son, his past history tell us that this will allow him only a short time move out of the house and will result in us paying for him to live on his own while he continues a pattern of lack of effort in school and more failing grades. We find ourselves in a place where in light of his continued poor choices, lack of follow through and motivation we cannot be hopeful that by providing him with this opportunity he will finally take charge and move forward. Sadly, he is completely focused on how what WE have done has failed him.

In January, Will began attending community college. Although he did well in 2 of his courses, he struggled in his math course. Ultimately, he dropped this course. It is amazing to hear him say that the reason that he could not succeed was caused by the inferior education that he received at the intervention program he went to from March-August of last year. The question had to be asked so what did you do with the opportunities in school prior to this?

We are locked into a losing battle. Will who wants to blame someone or something for why his life is the way it is and us as his parents wanting for him to accept basic responsibilities which he either cannot or chooses to not. So where does this leave us? Not sure...it seems however that we are at a crossroads and one where perhaps despite our love and desire to help and support this child, we are powerless but for prayer.