Growing in Gods Way

Discouragment. A familiar feeling to me as the parent of teens. It is hard to not to take their mistakes and failures personally. I find that I struggle in how to respond to their shortcomings. Acknowledging that we all make mistakes yet trying to train them in a way to encourage responsibility. Questioning their actions and challenging them draws their anger yet to do nothing seems uncaring and irresponsible.

Sunday in church the scripture focused on Jesus teaching his disciples how to pray and the words to the Lords Prayer . In my mind and heart, I believe that God has the answers to all that troubles me as a parent and certainly will provide me with the strength to perservere even when I feel this discouragement and don't know what to do or say next. Yet when I am tested by my children's actions I often feel like such a failure. I descend into a place of despair and feel such lack of motivation. I should turn my eyes to God and ask for his wisdom and strength. Though the mistakes of my children seem to never end, faith should direct me to pray fervently for God's strength to allow me to forgive my children for their mistakes as the words to the Lord's Prayer remind me to "Forgive our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us." Certainly, we need to forgive one another. I know that I am far from perfect yet God has charged me with guiding and directing my children as their parent. How do I impart forgiveness while as a parent challenging them to live better lives.

At times I get to a point where I feel that those things that I have tried to do right as a parent seem to have counted for nothing. I feel a sense of utter despair and wonder why I am such a failure. Why my children seem to not learn from past mistakes and continue to repeat the same ones over and over again? Often I turn to those whom I count as my closest friends and find myself once again as the object of their pity...how is it that all these things seem to keep happening? My children live in a home with both parents and have had more advantages than most. We have made them a priority and continue to sacrifice for them yet their actions continue to fall far short of what we hope for them. This week has been a particularly low point for me and their father. It is one of those times that you wonder what you have been working for because it all seems to count for nothing. Even my generally upbeat husband has reached a breaking point where he feels like just giving up.

So at this point I am searching for an answer. Experience has shown that if I place my hope and trust in others I will be disappointed. Things and people in this world continue to disappoint me. Thankfully I am blessed with the gift of having what I feel ashamed to say is a mustard seed size faith. Yet this week in my feeble attempts to find some consolation and strength from Gods word I am again reminded that God can turn something so small into something that grows and thrives. Thankfully, last evening at least with my child was an improvement on the one before. My goal for today is to turn instead not to despair but to God who promises to provide strength for even the most hopeless and desperate of circumstances. Today I will try to look for God's blessings and consolation and try to remember that he is present and working in my life and in the lives of those I love.

My Children Seeds in the Garden

Raising Children seems to be such a gamble. So much is out of a parent's control. We want so much for them. For them to grow up and live decent lives, have good friends, choose a suitable spouse and at some point and become a productive member of society. So many variables so what is a parent to do? My children's welfare has been an ongoing source of anxiety for me. When I became a parent I was totally naive. I had no idea how demanding little ones were and how much your children do in spite of you. They are definitely not little extensions of a parent. They do not learn everything from you even the lessons that you consider to be the most important. As they grow to be teenagers they often reject your values and you examine yourself in a way that you never have before. Often you feel like a failure.

This week I have made an effort to return to daily reflection and to draw strength from God's wisdom. Reading one of the weekly reflections I came upon this passage a familiar one but one that helps me reflect on the point at which I find myself in life.

"A sower went out to sow.

And as he sowed, some seed fell on the path,
and birds came and ate it up.
Some fell on rocky ground, where it had little soil.
It sprang up at once because the soil was not deep,
and when the sun rose it was scorched,
and it withered for lack of roots.
Some seed fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked it.
But some seed fell on rich soil, and produced fruit,
a hundred or sixty or thirtyfold." Mt 13: 2-8

In this parable God is teaching us that the seeds are souls as he is the sower. I can ponder that each of these seeds is one of my children. As a parent, I want to believe and hope that we have provided rich soil for them to flourish in. Certainly, they have had every advantage at least in terms of worldly and material goods. We have tried to plant the seeds of faith in each and to help to grow this faith in each of them. This parable reminds me however that not all is with in our control. Despite good intentions of the sower in this bible parable not every seed flourished. It is hard to reconcile a child who from birth is precious to his or her parents with something like a mere seed that seems plentiful and replaceable yet there is a lesson here.

My precious little seeds are now teenagers. One is an adult and another is just a few months shy of this legal milestone. I try to remind myself that just like a seed a child is something that must be let go of and entrusted to chance if there is to be growth and harvest. My role in many ways is done and there is no going back and doing it over. For me like the sower, I must wait and hope that in the end these little seeds, my children will flourish and grow.

Teach me to Serve and Walk Humbly with Thee

Over the last few months, the distractions of day to day life have gotten the better of me. I have abandoned daily reflection and drifted aimlessly. A vacation is a great time to refocus, re-energize. I have returned from what I always believed and was not disappointed was the trip of a lifetime, travel to Europe. During our time there we visited a number of beautiful churches and while in Munich, Germany we saw many beautiful buildings where the traditional architechture reflects a time years ago when God and church was the center of life for society. One of the sights I most longed to see was the Frauenkirche otherwise known as the Church of our Lady in Munich. It is the center of the city and its twin towers still mark the skyline as the tallest building in the city. Those towers survived the Allied bombings during World War II yet today even as this building is visited by many tourists, there are few faithful that make this church their parish home. Wanting to know everything about this beautiful building I purchased a pamphlet about its history for a few euros and read with sadness that as of 2008 this beautiful church in this beautiful large city only has 480 members....

During vacation wherever I am, I also like to spend time reading. I brought quite a few books with me for this trip especially for the long flight and the numerous train trips throughout Europe. One book that I have had for some time yet often drift to sleep before finishing more that just a few pages is, "Come be My Light." This book was compiled following the death of Mother Theresa of Calcutta and contains many her private writings providing insight into the life of this humble devoted modern day saint. I have long admired her words and her devotion and have read many other books containing her words and thoughts. Once again, I am inspired by what I read. Her openness to do the will of God led her to pursue serving the poor in Calcutta. I also marvel at her humility how despite that she is one of the most admired people in the world that she felt so unworthy and sinful. To imagine the work that she undertook despite the hardship is a true example of a very selfless person. True many of us cannot hope to ever compare to what she was and did and yet there are lessons and inspiration for each of us.

In reading this week the bible verses that I read challenges us to work to bear fruit for God. This week I have tried though very imperfectly to try harder to think about what his will would be for my actions. I have tried to put aside my frustrations especially with my children and even though I am exhausted at times from saying the same thing again and again I try to picture what and how Jesus would say and speak to them if he and not me were standing there and talking to them. I too intend to commit to more humility realizing how imperfect I truly am and to put aside my own selfishness. Hoping to bring these reflections and thoughts into the weekend and beyond.