Finally summer is winding slowly down to Fall. Summer for me is a time filled with busyness. First with work where I find myself in demand in the community teaching children to swim and this year also with adults who were able to experience for the first time in their lives the joy that comes with swimming. It is also a time for vacation and trips to the lake. Summertime is however but a small part time wise of my life for a year. When it winds down, I find myself with many hours and struggling with seemingly lack of purpose and direction for my days.
This year, I again find myself endeavoring to homeschool my youngest. This was never part of my original picture of motherhood as I pictured all my children following the traditional route of going to school from preschool and on through high school. Likewise, I find myself surrounded by seemingly endless routine tasks such as laundry, dishes, bills and the like. I thrive on projects with meaning and finding the meaning in the mundane is not my strong suit. Last year, I helped to launch Ministry of Mother's Sharing at my church, a ministry that speaks just to this monotony. Women, who participate in this ministry, are introduced to the idea of the sacredness in the ordinary and the idea of life's grace filled moments. So why is it that me who facilitated this experience for others keeps finding myself without direction and purpose?
I know that much of it lies in my failure to connect especially spiritually each day. I am terrible at staying focused and completing tasks just ask my husband. I thrive on distractions and can easily find something to do rather than what I should be doing. I struggle to control things that I cannot control. Perfect example, my daughter's recent stomach condition totally derailed my entire week. No birthday lunch for me and a wrench in my planned week. Ugggh! When will I be able to take life one day at a time?
I yearn to get back to that place where I approach days with joy and wonder secure in the knowledge that God is in control. I struggle with allowing myself to accept that God loves me as imperfect as I am...Today has started more the way I know it should. I turn early on to the readings for the day and today here a passage that became very meaningful just after the death of my mother, "Nothing can separate us from the love that is Christ Jesus!" Such a powerful statement. Why is it so difficult to accept? Probably for me because I continue to fail in so many ways in my life especially when I allow myself to become distracted and fail to follow through with those basic responsibilities. I sense that I am turning from God's will for my life yet I continue to go down those paths. Today the gospel in Luke speaks of Jesus yearning to gather Jerusalem like a hen gathers her chicks under her wings. For me today that means that I need to flock to that security. It requires action on my part. Today let me flock to the love that God offers by seeking shelter under his wings and being more obedient in my life.
