Living with a sense of purpose

Finally summer is winding slowly down to Fall. Summer for me is a time filled with busyness. First with work where I find myself in demand in the community teaching children to swim and this year also with adults who were able to experience for the first time in their lives the joy that comes with swimming. It is also a time for vacation and trips to the lake. Summertime is however but a small part time wise of my life for a year. When it winds down, I find myself with many hours and struggling with seemingly lack of purpose and direction for my days.

This year, I again find myself endeavoring to homeschool my youngest. This was never part of my original picture of motherhood as I pictured all my children following the traditional route of going to school from preschool and on through high school. Likewise, I find myself surrounded by seemingly endless routine tasks such as laundry, dishes, bills and the like. I thrive on projects with meaning and finding the meaning in the mundane is not my strong suit. Last year, I helped to launch Ministry of Mother's Sharing at my church, a ministry that speaks just to this monotony. Women, who participate in this ministry, are introduced to the idea of the sacredness in the ordinary and the idea of life's grace filled moments. So why is it that me who facilitated this experience for others keeps finding myself without direction and purpose?

I know that much of it lies in my failure to connect especially spiritually each day. I am terrible at staying focused and completing tasks just ask my husband. I thrive on distractions and can easily find something to do rather than what I should be doing. I struggle to control things that I cannot control. Perfect example, my daughter's recent stomach condition totally derailed my entire week. No birthday lunch for me and a wrench in my planned week. Ugggh! When will I be able to take life one day at a time?

I yearn to get back to that place where I approach days with joy and wonder secure in the knowledge that God is in control. I struggle with allowing myself to accept that God loves me as imperfect as I am...Today has started more the way I know it should. I turn early on to the readings for the day and today here a passage that became very meaningful just after the death of my mother, "Nothing can separate us from the love that is Christ Jesus!" Such a powerful statement. Why is it so difficult to accept? Probably for me because I continue to fail in so many ways in my life especially when I allow myself to become distracted and fail to follow through with those basic responsibilities. I sense that I am turning from God's will for my life yet I continue to go down those paths. Today the gospel in Luke speaks of Jesus yearning to gather Jerusalem like a hen gathers her chicks under her wings. For me today that means that I need to flock to that security. It requires action on my part. Today let me flock to the love that God offers by seeking shelter under his wings and being more obedient in my life.

Hoping through Hopelessness

For me it is not hard to imagine a feeling of hopelessness. I suffer in the present and have for some time suffered from depression. Some days, it is a general lack of purposefulness that fills my day. I struggle to complete tasks dishes, laundry, grocery shopping etc. I lack perspective as there seems to be no meaning attached to these mundane chores. Worse yet, I fill my day with distractions and find that at the end of the day, I have accomplished little or nothing. This further contributes to a personal feeling of worthlessness and even worse the sense that I have let those closest to me such as my husband and family down.

At other times, my feeling of hopelessness is fueled by something that is happening in my life of a distressing nature such as the time during which my father was struggling profoundly with mental illness and in and out of psychiatric facilities. At points like this in my life, I have felt overwhelmed and struggled to understand my own role in addressing the crisis at hand. Worse yet I find it difficult to comprehend how God might be at work in the midst of what seems to be a hopeless and unsolvable situation.

As I write this, I am not currently experiencing a feeling of despair or hopelessness even though life presently is not without some struggles. Today, I am allowing myself to believe that I am walking this journey with God by my side. I am open to his spirit directing me toward what I need to do even in the small things and allowing myself to believe that God loves me now and wants me to move forward in life and not live my life in by dwelling on mistakes and failures but with a sense of hope.

Being open to his spirit led me today to return to a project I started months ago an online retreat found on the pages of the Creighton University website and based on the spiritual exercises of St Ignatius of Loyola. This project began in October and was to proceed weekly for 34 weeks. For awhile I did well with this but at some point as is often in my nature, I faltered and now I find myself in July having not moved beyond week 13 and not revisited this journey for some time. For the last several days, I have felt called to revisit this so today I responded with a yes and found my way back to week 14, where the focus is upon the earthly family of Jesus people like his mother Mary, father Joseph and Aunt and Uncle Elizabeth and Zechariah.

I find myself drawn to Elizabeth and Zechariah and am asked to picture in my imagination their lives, a married couple advanced in age who had not been blessed with a child. Although not personally able to comprehend this feeling of despair having not experienced infertility in my own life, I have known the struggle of many families for whom this was a very painful and prolonged source of suffering. Being in the midst of other struggles is something, I can easily relate to, as noted above, and with my own personal struggles, I have often felt a profound sense of hopelessness. It is difficult when one reads the Bible stories that have a beginning and an end to forget that there was a time in between, often a long time, where those involved no doubt struggled with a sense of hopelessness. How did Elizabeth and Zechariah face their days before she was pregnant? I try to imagine their feelings of jealously as others in their community became parents while they struggled with not being so blessed. Did they question God? How did they remain faithful and live through the days and years and finally acceptance of what they had come to believe would never be?

In just few Bible verses in Luke the entire struggle and ultimate triumph with the birth of St John the Baptist unfolds. Perhaps this is a reminder to those like myself who suffer periods of despair not to become overly focused on the hopelessness of any situation but to look with hope and expectancy believing that God can work in all things for good. It is a reminder to greet each day knowing that God is walking alongside of me gently urging me forward to do those things that I must do and that others need me to do trusting that God himself is in control of the outcome and that the future may be full of surprises.

Living in the Moment

So much is happening in the lives of my family during the month of May. It is a time to celebrate so much yet even so it is also a time of regrets and should haves beens. Ultimately, it is a time full of meaning and growth in my own spiritual life as I seek to embrace what is good looking with gratitude for the blessings that are there every day even as I struggle to understand those things that are not as I would have them by trusting that God loves me and those closest to me and has and will not ever forsake us.

As I start to write this, my daughter, Emily, is on my mind. In a few days, she will graduate high school. This is an occasion for great joy as I address invitations, plan for a celebration with family and friends and feel proud that she is soon to be in college at the school of her choice and moving forward with her life. Even amisdst the joy of this event is a regret for her and for us as well that she was not able to graduate with her class and friends at Mount de Sales, the school where she spent most of her high school years. Her own inner turmoil is apparent as she is somewhat moody and has chosen understandably not to attend the various ceremonies being held this week for the Seniors there, many of whom remain her close friends. It is however a time of growth for her as she glimpses what is true in life that often life is not without its share of disappointment even during moments where there should seemingly be great joy.

It is a time when I find myself often turning in prayer to God, first in petition that she will be able to accept this disappointment with a sense of peace and serenity knowing that she is loved unconditionally not only by her family but more importantly by a God who himself understands suffering and loves her always. Likewise, I pray for my own acceptance so that during this time I may be strong for her by loving her and understanding that this is a difficult time of mixed emotions so that my actions toward her will be compassionate, loving, understanding and supportive in a way that bears witness and honor to God and his servant Jesus Christ.

During this week, I have witnessed my youngest daughter, Katie, celebrate receiving the sacrament of Confirmation. I was so thankful to have both Emily and Will present for this beautiful ceremony. The bishop spoke so elequontly at the ceremony about the gift of faith and the importance of receiving this gift from your parents. It is indeed a gift that I cherish having received it from my own parents and feeling the calling of God throughout my own life particularly in times of struggle. It is a light that I want to beckon to each of my children always and a source for joy and peace even when it is tempting to be angry and resentful about life's disappointments and unfairness as things do not turn out as we had hoped. For myself, spending time and reflection in prayer these past few weeks has enabled me to accept that though things are not as I would have hoped, especially for Emily, that God is there helping us to accept and understand if we only chose to turn to him and ask for his strength and peace.

It is most apparent to me that God does not abandon us and that we should place our hope in God even when things appear dark and hopeless. As I look these days at my son, Will, I see evidence that God is working and can bring about transformation of even the most dire circumstances. Two years ago and for sometime thereafter I struggled with a constant worry for Will. It appeared that he might not graduate high school and his future appeared bleak indeed. Although never giving into disbelief in God over the circumstances and unfairness of it all, I found it difficult to trust that God was working in his life and loved him throughout his missteps. His own anger and rejection of what were for me basic faith values was a source of great pain and something for which I suffered a deep feeling of guilt and responsibility. At the prompting of what I know was the Spirit, I turned over and over again to the story of the prodigal son trying to understand how to remain open and loving while waiting patiently for Will to take control of his own life and to change those circumstances within his control.

It was a time when hopelessness seemed to be winning out. For myself, for Bill and for Emily the hope that Will would find his way out seemed an impossibility. Yet as today I look at the young man that he is becoming, I am overwhelmed by how time, circumstances and the power of God can transform each of us and how that even though we had given up, God had not. He was faithful, keeping Will safe and finally bringing him to a point where he began in earnest to take a different path. Today, unlike a year ago, I see a young man making progress with his education, making better choices with his friends and in life, and a son and brother who is loving toward his family and willing to be responsible and helpful to them. It is still a hope of mine that Will return to a place where he is again practicing faith in a faith community however I am nevertheless in awe at the love and faithfulness that God has shown for Will and its transforming power.

So as I take stock of things as they are at this moment, I can accept things as they are even as I am unable to change past circumstances. This is a choice. What do we focus on? Do we remain bitter toward things that we feel should have been or do we choose to rejoice in what blessings God has given us today and remain confident and hopeful that we are never alone even in our greatest disappointments? Emily, this post is especially for you. My prayer for you is that you will be able to rejoice in what surrounds you especially over the next few days. When you feel anger and resentment creeping in turn to God ask him to help you accept those things that seem unfair and focus instead on those blessings that surround you. Rejoice in the friendships that you made while you were at Mount de Sales and all the wonderful experiences and also on those that you had too at Houston County especially with your friends that have allowed you to reach the point in your life where you are moving forward with graduation and on to the next step in life, college. I know God is at work in your life and it is with great joy that I celebrate this time in your life embracing the good with the bad and trusting that where you are right now you are not alone because God is there as your friend and companion for the beginning of a wonderful journey.

Amend My Life

I find myself in the midst of Lent. Despite my good intentions, it has been a long winter. One where I have often felt unmotivated and one in which I have all too often lacked the dedication and devotion toward living and practicing my Faith. I love my Catholic Faith with its traditions and devotions that constantly beckon me back to amend my life and to rededicate myself to the God in whom I never lose faith.

However my own guilt often paralyzes me. I look to my failings and feel unlovable. I wonder how God can love someone as imperfect as me? I feel so inadequate...I look to the ways that I frequently chose to avoid those tedious responsibilities cleaning, cooking and grocery shopping. Also, I look to the ways in which I allow my anger to drive me to complain against another or wish that someone whom I know to be "wrong" gets what is coming to him or her...are these the thoughts of someone living in Christ's light?

I know in God lies all direction so why do I drift away and become less than God would have me to be? Why can I not just set myself right? Then, there it is just like the first buds of Spring or the robin bouncing across my still brown lawn, God is there calling me back and slowly I allow myself to accept that I am loved. I remember the many people of faith that God has used to do great things that were at points in their life similarly imperfect Peter, Paul, St Augustine and knowing that though I am unlikely to ever be a saint, I consider the possibilities that God can love and forgive even me in my imperfections.

Over the weekend, I attended a Cursillo formation in preparation to work on an upcoming weekend in our diocese. Just a few short months ago, I was so energized and directed in my faith life why do I allow myself to fall away from this point of Grace? This weekend as I sat in a beautiful little church in the Middle of Nowhere GA, I realized that Satan is on the other side pulling me away from the joy and happiness that God wants for me. Being again in the presence of many other strong believers and hearing their testimony, I am again rededicated to move forward in my faith journey or in Cursillo terms to live my 4th day.

The words from today's Psalm speak to my heart ...

"A clean heart create for me, God; renew in me a steadfast spirit.

Do not drive me from your presence, nor take from me your holy spirit.

Restore my joy in your salvation; sustain in me a willing spirit." Ps 51:13-14

Once again I resolve, to rededicate myself to living in Christ and embracing this time of Lent as a time to prepare myself for the joy that is coming at Easter and to those who believe. Thank you God for loving me and always forgiving me. Thank you for allowing me to experience the freedom of a new life.

Invited to be Loved

In keeping with my New Years resolution, I am once again working on a blog to encourage and record the journey of gratitude that I am endeavoring to pursue in 2011. This week's subject will intersect with my continuing journey along the road of the online retreat. Week 10 in the online retreat I have taken my time with. It asks that you consider your response to God's invitation of Love. It has left me pondering my sense of my relationship with God.

What I have discovered is that my views of religion and relationship have centered for much of my life around the obligation that I have to follow God. This no doubt comes to a certain extent from my cradle Catholic upbringing. I realize that in many ways I have come to focus to a large extent on God as my judge and somehow making myself worthy to obtain the promise of salvation by what I say and do. It is a challenge for me to accept that God's love does not depend upon my actions and to understand that it is really much simpler. Some things come to mind the way that you love a very young child or a pet, for me my dogs, but of course that does not begin to compare to the love that God has for each of us. As I look at my dogs, I think that my love for them is not dependent in any way upon their achievements and also that despite their misdeeds such as the hole dug in the yard or the sock chewed or the raiding of the garbage can I still value and love them. I can only imagine how much more depth and understanding comes from God who is the source of all goodness and love.

Considering and pondering and accepting that I am loved for who I am brings me to a whole new place. It is a place where gratitude flows so naturally. How can I respond with anything but amazement when I am finally able to accept that I am loved unconditionally? It is as if that so many of the biblical stories I have heard for my entire life have a whole new meaning. The seemingly unimportant sheep that by his nature is not the brightest animal on the farm wanders off and yet God, the father, the Shepard values this creature so much to go looking for him and even to celebrate when he is returned. And the parable of the Prodigal son that over the past year I focused on in terms of my own child and how I was supposed to love without limits waiting and praying for his return. Now I look back over many times in my life and see those times when I was the prodigal and blessed to have a heavenly father who loved me and waited for me and simply rejoiced when I returned and asked for his forgiveness.

It is as if I have been asleep all those years when I was going to church and practicing my faith. Why was I unable to see and accept my calling to relationship with God as an invitation of Love? I am really feeling like I have discovered a whole new dimension of spirituality and that viewing my relationship with God under the guidance of Jesuit spiritual resources which began with the Creighton University Daily devotions and then from the Online retreat is opening my eyes in so many wonderful ways. I feel bit by bit my daily outlook changing as well. From ugh I have to cook and clean to asking what is God inviting me to do for others? It is transforming when you clean up the kitchen because you think during the process that I am doing this because God blessed me with this house, these children and this is my way of saying thank you.

So as I look upon the photo I have chosen taken by a good friend, I see something inspiring. Instead of looking outside at the barren and cold landscape and wishing I was off in Hawaii right now, I reflect that this sheep is too in the middle of a barren field and yet someone has cared for him enough to provide hay for food. I ask myself what blessings are there right now today in my life that I am thankful for? I realize I could fill a page by taking the time to really reflect and look and be grateful. So today even though it is cold and windy and not as I would have it in every way, I am trying to look at my day for a sense of purpose asking myself what God has put before me and the ways in which I am invited to love him and the ways that I can accomplish that by ordinary and even small acts of love for others.

A Journey of the Soul

Surrounded outside by a wintery day, there is time for reflection that often does not present itself in day to day life. This past summer I finally realized one of my greatest dreams to visit Europe and in particular to see Germany one of the homes of my father's anscestors. We started our trip in Sweden where my sister in law lives with her family and journeyed by train from there down through Denmark and all the way to Southern Germany to the city of Munich or as it is known in German, Munchen.

Yesterday as I was home passing the time, I was again reading through the book, "Seasons of Grace." It never ceases to amaze me how something that presents itself in day to day life really calls you to examine or reexamine things you have experienced with a fresh perspective. So yesterday as I read about journeys of the soul I again recalled a time during my trip to Germany with gratitude and fond memories.

As is often the case with our family vacations, I am the planner. So this Summer when we decided to finally bear with the expense and go to Europe I set about planning the logistics of the trip. I studied the routes necessary to get to Southern Germany from Stockholm by train choosing Munich because of its reputation as a safe, beautiful, historical city with traditional German Biergartens and close proximity to Saltzburg, Austria another city I had long dreamed of visiting.

My dreams of visiting Germany began years before growing up with my father who was a lover of history and proud of his German heritage. I was aware that my great, great, great, great grandmother had imigrated in the 1800s from a small town near Baden Baden Germany. I had visited the cemetery with my father in Lancaster, Ohio, where he too is now buried, and had seen her grave in the family plot. My father had long been interested in his German heritage and had introduced me to German food and music. He too yearned for a long time to visit this country and visit the historical places and take in this culture which represented his ancestoral heritage.

My father made his first trip to Europe in 1990, the year I was pregnant with my son, Will. It was several months after my mother died and I think that her death, although they were divorced, prompted him to go ahead and realize what for him had long been a dream. I felt incredible joy for my father even though I was unable to accompany him and remember looking at all the photos he brought home with him and hearing his stories as he was finally able to make what for him was the trip of a lifetime. In 1992 just about the time my daughter Emily was to be born, he made his second trip this one limited to just Germany and Austria. At the time, we were a bit annoyed that the trip was scheduled shortly after my due date and although my father had hoped that the baby would be born before he left this did not happen. Instead, Emily was born while dad was visiting a city in the newly opened East Germany. It took a day or 2 before I was able to make contact with him and talk on the phone but I was able to get a message to him through the tour group that he was travelling with that he was again a grandfather and this time had a grandaughter named Emily after his own mother. When he returned, he told me about the celebration that had taken place at the Bierhaus he visited that evening in celebration of her birth. He also returned with 2 Christmas ornaments which remind me each year of him, of Emily's birth and his trip to Germany that year.

Consequently from the moment I began planning this trip, I thought often of my father. I wished he were alive to discuss the planning and to share his vast knowledge of history with me so that I might even better appreciate this trip. As he had died in 2005 at age 76, this was something that we would never share together yet I felt his spirit was with me and knew that he would have taken great joy in my embarking on this journey just as I had years ago when he made his trip as well. As an avid reader, I read much about this trip prior to departure through books and through the internet as well.

When I finally arrived in Europe on July 2, 2010 and landed in Stockholm, Sweden, I felt as though I had realized one of my greatest dreams in my life by travelling to Europe. As I sat on the train on July 5th taking the long ride to Munich, the words to the Aerosmith song entered my head, "Don't want to close my eyes, don't want to fall asleep...cause I don't want to miss a thing." Although I was no doubt somewhat jet lagged, I was spellbound by all the new sights as we travelled through the countryside. We arrived that evening in Munich and found our way to our hotel by taking the fairly short walk from the train station.

Dinner that evening was at the Augustiner Beer Garden conveniently located just down the street from our hotel. Further gracing our trip to Europe and especially Munich was the absolutely perfect weather, warm and no rain. The Augustiner Beer Garden is a traditional biergarten serving huge mugs of beer on draft of course under outside under chestnut trees while you sit on picnic tables. Dinner is self service by visiting vendors surrounding the biergarten and ordering from traditional German fare sausage, roasted meats, and pretzels to enjoy with your beer. We returned to our hotel and looked forward to our first day touring the city in the morning.

As Bill and I are early risers, we awoke early ready to head out. The girls are night owls and were still a bit jet lagged so Katie elected to stay asleep in the room while Emily was ready to join us for a bit of sightseeing. We walked out of our hotel to the nearby S Bahn stop which would allow us to take public transportation to the center of the old city. Here as we opened our tour book, "Germany for Dummies," we began what would become one of my fondest memories of our trip as we attempted to deciper the routes to we needed to take to our destination. An elderly gentleman upon realizing that we were lost Americans spoke to us in English and explained the route we needed to take. Much to our surprise, he offered to accompany us and show us the way. As I looked at his face, I saw a face that was strikingly similar to my fathers and was struck by the realization that my father's features must have been very characteristic of those who like him were of German heritage.

We rode the S Bahn a short distance with Walter who was eager to point out many of the sights along the way and explain to us in English what was what along the way. When we reached our stop, Walter led us walking along the street toward our destination. Walter like my father was very friendly and seemingly quite knowledgeable of much of the history of his city and country. He pointed out to us the city architecture which consistent with the Catholic heritage of Southern Germany had images of of the Virgin Mary not just on churches but carved into ordinary buildings as well. He stopped and pointed out one of the 5 remaining city gates built in the 1300s. Here we asked our new companion if we could take a picture of him and I snapped a photo of him with Bill and Emily to memorialize this adventure. Next Walter pointed out a smaller but very ornate church and led us inside. This had not been on my to do list of places to visit but here tucked between a few homes was a church known as Asamkirche http://www.sacred-destinations.com/germany/munich-asamkirche It hard to believe upon looking at the lavish and ornate decorations inside that this was a private church built by 2 brothers in the mid 1700s. It was breathtakingly beautiful and I felt as though I had discovered a rare treasure. As I see and visit churches wherever I go, I always am in awe of how God inspires people to take the time to create something so magnificant. It is a reminder to me of how great and good is the God that we serve.

Upon leaving the church, we journeyed just a short distance further to the Marienplaz which is a pedestrian only area in the heart of old Munich. The Glockenspiel or clock tower is a famous visited sight and is sort of large cuckoo clock complete with elaborately carved mechanical figures that go into motion playing music and dancing upon certain hours although we had not arrived at a time when this was occurring. This clock is located atop the Neues Rathaus or new town hall. Just inside the town hall is an outside dining area for the Ratskellar restaurant where people can enjoy casual dining during the warmer months. Walter directed our attention to a plaque in one of the archways en route to the courtyard of this building written in German and memorializing the American and Allied liberation of this city in 1945. As I said, Walter reminded me in an uncanny way of my own father and if I had to guess he was probably very close to how old my father would have been. It was a reminder in an age where Americans have become a target and our tradition of protecting freedom put into question of a time and a generation that greatly appreciated our country and its willingness to step onto a foreign soil to help others. It is also a sentiment that my father, a retired major in the US Army who served for many years instilled in me and would have shared.

At this point, having arrived at our destination but having been enriched by the company of a friendly stranger, we offered to buy Walter lunch or even to join us for a drink. He politely declined as he was ready to go onto his original destination. We parted with friendly handshakes but we were extremely grateful to this kind stranger who had taken some of his time to share with us his beautiful city and enabled us to see and appreciate a number of sights that without his guidance we would have been oblivious to seeing or appreciating. Bill, Emily and myself in particular were also struck by how much Walter reminded us of my father someone who if he had been with us would have likewise been able to enrich our experience with his knowledge and appreciation for German culture and history. It was one of those moments when you sense that someone whom you deeply loved but who has died is looking down upon you and somehow reaching toward you in a special way. I intended to write down this experience during my visit to Germany but never seemed to find the time to compose my thoughts however as I look back on this experience now months past, I feel a sense of joy and gratitude. For the rest of my trip, I felt the presence of my dad especially when I did some of the things that I know he would have loved like drinking beer in the Biergarten each night. I imagined as I visited certain sights that he too had journeyed along these same paths earlier also with a sense of joy and appreciation much like I was feeling throughout my travels. I felt that even though we had never been able to and never would be able to take this journey together physically a certain shared experience one that I will remember forever. It is strange and wonderful to think that God sends us people and experiences from time to time that give you a sense that he and those we love and have loved are reaching toward us in an almost divine or supernatural way. Thank you Lord for the kindness of strangers who are known intimately by you and for the angels who cross our paths during our lives.

Grateful not Grumpy

So with the New Year and my quest to be more grateful in life I've become aware of many times throughout the day when I nurture negativity. Here's an example, I drive my daughter to school most mornings and she is always rushing and barely making it on time. I make "helpful" suggestions which she doesn't want to accept and upon dropping her off, I reach for my cell phone to call a friend and complain about how unprepared she is...Does this nurture gratitude? Clearly not! Why not instead turn up the radio and take in the sunrise or focus on what has gone right this week like her getting accepted to the college of her choice.

Seems that this gratitude thing is going to take a bit of work and cultivating. To start with, I purchased a book, "Seasons of Grace. " This book is a kind of self help manual to teach someone, such as myself who can be a bit too cynical, how to live with gratitude. The book is organized according to the seasons, Spring, Summer, Winter and Fall. It felt a bit awkward starting at the beginning in Spring when outside we are in the midst of a very cold winter and as I write I'm looking out upon scattered leaves, barren trees, grey skies and rain. I've never been a fan of Winter and can feel each year how my motivation during the cold months drops to nil as I await Spring and Summer.

Nonetheless being the first week of the New Year, I'm still determined to forge ahead with a more thankful spirit opening my eyes to the blessings that exist in my life. So I've continued to read and now find myself reading the reflections about Summer where the authors remind the reader of the opportunities available during the Summertime for taking the time to play wholeheartedly as a child does. When we moved to Georgia over four years ago, we decided we would invest in a boat that would allow us to spend time at a nearby lake with our family and also in order to have an activity that would allow us to entertain our children and their friends. In recent memories of Summer and play the time that we spend boating on the lake stands out of a reminder of the value of play for all of us.

Our days on the lake are full of many pleasures that we can savor. Both the kids and adults laugh as we are pulled along behind the boat bouncing in the wake. On 100 degree Georgia Summer days, it is a welcome relief from the heat as we are cooled by the water and speed of the boat. We usually pack a picnic lunch and make a day or afternoon of this activity. We challenge ourself to waterski and kneeboard cheering each other on as we fight to gain our balance and enjoy the ride. We take breaks by pulling up to the shore of one of the County parks where we lay in the sun and play in the sand as well. Our Summers boating on the lake have been some of the most memorable in Georgia.

Yet as I look outside, I am reminded that summer is about 5 months away...what about today can I savor since many days will pass before we will be playing on the lake again? It does little good to focus only on what is to come. What opportunities are before me today that might spark my interest and passion?

I've started a new ritual the past week. After my 2 cups of coffee, I'm primarily a water drinker. Each morning now I fill up my glass and try to remember to drink often. I've started keeping this glass at least half full at all times, my reminder that I am blessed in so many ways in my life and I need to take stock of the here and now. I'm working hard not to replay the negative but to look for those opportunities of gratitude that surround me each day. A few days ago I took a few moments before bed to perform a suggested gratitude exercise by looking around my surroundings at familiar things. I spend a lot of time in my bedroom each day but often with my head bent over the computer or rushing in or out on my way to here or there. I often key into the bed stand with my piles of books and other clutter that drive my husband crazy and focus on what I should be doing like cleaning. Instead this time, I took the time to look at all the things that should inspire a feeling of gratitude like the photo of our wedding picture and the photos of my children. I looked at the framed art from the Tennessee mountains and was reminded of the beauty of this and of the many happy times that our family has spent on vacations there. I also looked at the angels decorating my room, the bible verse over my bed and the rosary and cursillio cross hanging from my dresser. This reminded me that God was present in so many ways in my life and encouraged me to feel thankful and at peace.

So despite being icebound today, I'm feeling hopeful that this could be the year when I'm able to stay a bit more positive about the circumstances of my life whatever the season.