What a difference a week makes. Usually this is said in relation to something changing for the better. This week as I review all that has happened I find myself searching the future for a new direction and resolve. Saturday, a week ago Bill and I began our weekend with breakfast out just the two of us at Cracker Barrel. We looked ahead to a time when it would again be just the two of us. Since we now have 2 adult children, one in college and one a Senior in high school, and our youngest a freshman in High School, the parenting of children day to day is coming to an end.
All parents have dreams for their children. Certainly I am no exception. I have always thought my dreams pretty simple when looking at my children. They are bright and personable. They have had many advantages and they are loved. Today, I have again been reminded of the individuality of each person and how ultimately what I dream and hope is not completely in my control.
So many adjectives describe my middle child, Emily: fun loving, strong willed, determined, and spunky to name a few. These are potentially great qualities but ones which present a challenge to parents, teachers and authority figures who must from time to time insist that she follow a certain course of action when she takes an opposing view. Today, I reflect on many of these qualities and remind myself that these are qualities that God gave her and that he loves her and has a plan for her life that is ultimately more important than mine.
I thought as parents we had made good choices for her... Catholic school and a good education. Looking forward to her graduation in May and applying for colleges, it felt like we were almost there. But apparently this was not to be, a new administration change at school, more of the same from her in terms of discipline issues and they are finally done with her. She is devastated and so are we.
So where does this go from here? I have cried and felt anger and frustration. Why me? A familiar song....
I wrote the above about a week ago while I was actively reeling from the circumstances and feeling bitter disappointment over the entire situation. It has taken days but I am ready to decide to move on. Although I wish I could fast forward and look back and see it all with perspective, knowing that Emily had made her way to a bright and successful future, for now I will have to hang on with Faith to my belief in her capability and potential. It may be that the lessons I have tried to impart to her for years will finally be learned. As a parent who loves her child, I don't want her to learn the hard way. I want her to accept the wisdom that I feel my years of experience qualifies me to give her. But she is on her own journey, the one she has been on since her independent little spirit entered this world eighteen years ago.
I remind myself of my blessings. Emily was born healthy. She has escaped serious injuries up to this point in her life. No broken bones or stitches. She even got out of a really bad auto accident in 10th grade where her car was totaled with just 2 broken teeth! Best of all she has a resilient spirit. She has handled the break-up with her boyfriend this year and she will handle this setback too. I think of 2 moms I know who lost their precious sons to suicide this year and I know that I am blessed to be able to look forward to see what will happen in the future ahead.
So Miss Emily, although I wish on many days that you could just color within the lines, I will never be able to complain that being your mother was boring by a long shot! Here's hoping that in the days ahead that the road will rise up to meet you and the wind will be always at your back.
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