Blogging, Praying and Trusting

This weekend I spent a rainy Saturday with a group of other Catholics at a formation for an upcoming weekend in late October called Cursillo. For those who have never heard the term "Cursillo," a brief explanation.  It is a long weekend for Catholics to spend time encountering Christ put on by past Cursillo attendees and religious from the Church.  It can be a powerful and transforming experience which for many can revolutionize their lives and facilitate a richer and deeper faith life. But that is not the purpose of today's entry...it is an introduction or reintroduction to my blog...yes I DO Blog. My time this weekend reminded me that God has gifted us each with unique talents that we are to use for him.  One of mine is writing or so I think. I have a busy brain with many thoughts running through it during the day sometimes I believe God has something he wants me to use this talent to "impart" but at the very least my thoughts if I write them down become a legacy for those close to me to discover what's on my mind.  Ultimately as I am constantly reminded who I am and what I do in this life is a gift from God and if I want to become his instrument then I must heed the promptings of the Spirit by writing down and sharing my thoughts.... 

So today as I actually seek to follow through with this prompting of the Spirit I felt called to review many of my half finished entries for one that seemed to convey some wisdom that perhaps I have learned, need to learn and can share.  My eye landed upon an unfinished entry about worrying less and praying more.  I am a worrier.  My worries frequently distract me from my responsibilities and good intentions.  I am the product of two parents who though they were faith filled individuals also worried too much.  Letting go of my worries today has been something I am reflecting upon. It is so easy to become bogged down by a multitude of details and to allow things like to dos or what ifs  to consume me.  For me this takes two forms.  First, I become over focused on someone whom I am worried or concerned about. When I feel as though something is wrong with someone I love or someone I love treats me poorly, I can easily become discouraged. Too often this becomes the point in my day where all my productivity is halted and  the whole day goes downhill.  The other major roadblock I encounter can be when I allow a concern or worry to consume my thoughts.  A great example this year would be my fears surrounding my Cancer diagnosis.  Things like how bad is it, what treatments do I need and now that I am through many treatments what if it comes back?

Some people claim that cancer is a gift but that ideal is angrily rejected by many. OK so maybe not a gift but definitely a turning point that causes the person diagnosed and those close to that person to reexamine and reevaluate their lives.  One theme that keeps coming up for me is that I need to turn my worries about others and about my own future over to God.  How do I do this?  Duh, I claim to be a person of faith and yet all too often I rely on my own understanding or better put my lack of understanding to solve problems that come my way.  Why don't I focus   my energy in another direction?  Why don't I consistently turn these obstacles  over to God in prayer and ask  for his help and direction? 

Too often I dwell on troubles and challenges instead of pushing them from my mind. Continuing to ruminate on the bad drains my energy and for the most part changes little. Here's an example, I argue with my daughter some mornings about any number of things that parents may argue with teenagers about and then worry about her after as she drives to school. I may allow this unpleasant experience to continue to influence my day or I may struggle with worry over her safety. What if instead, I made a conscious choice to let go of this experience and to ask God to bless her and guide her throughout the day ahead. For myself, I can examine my actions briefly and ask God for his pardon for my failures during that exchange and also for his direction for my actions and thoughts in the rest of my day and in future instances where my daughter and I may disagree. At this point, I can make a decision to let go of what is past and to look ahead to the future confident that God is close at hand to direct my path.

How many times have I sought to live out this wisdom?  I wrote the above paragraph almost 3 years ago and today I am still struggling to understand the limits of my power and the need to pray more, worry less and trust God to work both in my own life and in the lives of my children and in other of life's circumstances. Does this mean it is hopeless?  Certainly not!  I can take a quick tour in my mind of the past and see clearly that God has and is always working in my life and that my worrying has only served as a source for my own anxiety. Fortunately for me and for others too, I have learned that our God is a patient teacher and a loving parent who constantly teaches us and often teaches us over and over again the necessity of turning our problems over to him and trusting in his ability to deliver us each day. So remember today and keep reminding me as well to Worry less and Pray more! And for my fellow Cursillistas...de Colores!