In keeping with my New Years resolution, I am once again working on a blog to encourage and record the journey of gratitude that I am endeavoring to pursue in 2011. This week's subject will intersect with my continuing journey along the road of the online retreat. Week 10 in the online retreat I have taken my time with. It asks that you consider your response to God's invitation of Love. It has left me pondering my sense of my relationship with God.
What I have discovered is that my views of religion and relationship have centered for much of my life around the obligation that I have to follow God. This no doubt comes to a certain extent from my cradle Catholic upbringing. I realize that in many ways I have come to focus to a large extent on God as my judge and somehow making myself worthy to obtain the promise of salvation by what I say and do. It is a challenge for me to accept that God's love does not depend upon my actions and to understand that it is really much simpler. Some things come to mind the way that you love a very young child or a pet, for me my dogs, but of course that does not begin to compare to the love that God has for each of us. As I look at my dogs, I think that my love for them is not dependent in any way upon their achievements and also that despite their misdeeds such as the hole dug in the yard or the sock chewed or the raiding of the garbage can I still value and love them. I can only imagine how much more depth and understanding comes from God who is the source of all goodness and love.
Considering and pondering and accepting that I am loved for who I am brings me to a whole new place. It is a place where gratitude flows so naturally. How can I respond with anything but amazement when I am finally able to accept that I am loved unconditionally? It is as if that so many of the biblical stories I have heard for my entire life have a whole new meaning. The seemingly unimportant sheep that by his nature is not the brightest animal on the farm wanders off and yet God, the father, the Shepard values this creature so much to go looking for him and even to celebrate when he is returned. And the parable of the Prodigal son that over the past year I focused on in terms of my own child and how I was supposed to love without limits waiting and praying for his return. Now I look back over many times in my life and see those times when I was the prodigal and blessed to have a heavenly father who loved me and waited for me and simply rejoiced when I returned and asked for his forgiveness.
It is as if I have been asleep all those years when I was going to church and practicing my faith. Why was I unable to see and accept my calling to relationship with God as an invitation of Love? I am really feeling like I have discovered a whole new dimension of spirituality and that viewing my relationship with God under the guidance of Jesuit spiritual resources which began with the Creighton University Daily devotions and then from the Online retreat is opening my eyes in so many wonderful ways. I feel bit by bit my daily outlook changing as well. From ugh I have to cook and clean to asking what is God inviting me to do for others? It is transforming when you clean up the kitchen because you think during the process that I am doing this because God blessed me with this house, these children and this is my way of saying thank you.
So as I look upon the photo I have chosen taken by a good friend, I see something inspiring. Instead of looking outside at the barren and cold landscape and wishing I was off in Hawaii right now, I reflect that this sheep is too in the middle of a barren field and yet someone has cared for him enough to provide hay for food. I ask myself what blessings are there right now today in my life that I am thankful for? I realize I could fill a page by taking the time to really reflect and look and be grateful. So today even though it is cold and windy and not as I would have it in every way, I am trying to look at my day for a sense of purpose asking myself what God has put before me and the ways in which I am invited to love him and the ways that I can accomplish that by ordinary and even small acts of love for others.
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