Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

This post is one that I keep feeling called to write.  It's one that sums up so many feelings that come out each Christmas starting with the ritual of putting up the Christmas tree.  For me, Christmas is filled with memories particularly those as a child and in relation to my parents. It was some Christmases after my mother died that  hearing the Song, Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas,  took on new meaning.  I did a little research this year and learned that this song dates back to 1943 and was immortalized by Judy Garland in the movie meet me in St Louis. Both my mother and father loved music and having grown up in the age of this music it seems apropos that this music should speak to me and remind me of them both. 

Music as I discussed recently with a group of friends speaks deeply to us and touches us in so many ways.  When I hear certain songs or hymns especially those related to my faith, so many different emotions and memories awaken in my heart. For me Christmas especially would not be the same without music and carols.  Each one I hear transports me back to a time when I can remember fondly what it was like to be a child experiencing the wonder and awe of the Christmas season. As a child, both my parents introduced me to music and singing.  As young as 4 years of age, I sang in the church choir at Pasadena Community Church in St Petersburg, Florida.  There, all the choirs were directed by a gifted and passionate director named Fred Harrison. Each Christmas Eve I long to be able to revisit the beautiful Christmas Eve service that was so memorable and familiar to me. The routine was the same each year, first all the choirs processed in singing O Come All Ye Faithful.  Some of my favorite songs were O Holy Night, Do you Hear What I hear, The Little Drummer Boy and the youngest children singing Step Softly Little Donkey.  

Likewise certain scriptural verses were engraved upon my heart each year. We were taught the response to the Prophecy in Isaiah which proclaims, " For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder." And the response, "...and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace. " An elderly pastor from the church, Denver C Pickens, each year would step up to the podium and proclaim the gospel of John. "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." Those words were ones which my mother so looked forward to and loved to hear. Finally, at the conclusion of the service those in the choir would process into the aisles with glowing candles for the singing of Silent Night.  Our director Mr. Fred had lived in Germany and taught us about the origins of Silent Night and taught us to sing in German as it was originally written, Stille Nacht accompanied simply by a guitar as it was first sung. As a little child, throughout this process I learned to gaze expectantly upward toward a star which hung from the tallest point from the ceiling in the triangular building and wait for the star to be illuminated as it was each Christmas eve at that point in the service. It was here that Christmas came alive in my heart. 

Back to the song that inspired this post. In the years that followed my mothers death in 1990 and my fathers in 2005, I would often hear this song as we were decorating.  Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas is a sad song as it was in the context of the movie when it was sung by Judy Garland. When I hear the following lyrics, I am drawn back to memories of those whose presence I remember and miss each Christmas and sadness that they and those times are gone forever.... 

 "Here we are as in olden days. Happy golden days of yore Faithful friends who were near to us, will be dear to us once more. " As the song's reflective tone continues with "Someday soon we all will be together if the fates allow, until then will have to muddle through somehow, "  I am drawn into the thoughts of how precious our time is here on this earth especially with those who are dear to us. This admonishes me to look at the present and to value the here and now.  Even when we are surrounded by sadness or the circumstances of an imperfect world, we are called to seize the moment as we know that neither next season nor even the days ahead are guaranteed to any of us. 

Each year this  time I find myself fighting the blues.  Sometimes, I so wish I could freeze time or just rewind back to happy times with those I miss.  Often the holidays seem fraught with demands or challenges that just seem contrary to the spirit of peace and happiness that  I want to experience each  season.   I know in my heart that I should be focused on the spirituality of Christ and Christmas and at some point my heart stops wrestling and  goes to that place of simple peace. 

When does this happen? This year as in those most recently past it is when I sit on Christmas eve with the rest of the congregation at St Patricks surrounded by familiar faces and my family.  At this point all the buying, wrapping, card sending, and food shopping is generally complete.  I  look at the wonder in the eyes of the children who  participate in the Christmas pageant and see the gospel come to life in the hearts of everyone present.   I  sing the same carols that I sang as a child and remember fondly those who are gone and I am able to be joyful that they are gathered  close to me. As I gaze upon the manger scene, I  marvel and imagine the poverty and humility that God chose to enter into our world.  I remind myself that by our standards the circumstances of his birth were far less than ideal...on the road far from family, no home none of the comforts any of us who have given birth would expect.  Yet somehow this was how God came to our world.  He came in a time of oppression under the Roman empire and few were witnesses to his birth.  It was not until 33 years later when he died and through the resurrection that the world even began to understand the spiritual significance of this birth and who God wants to be for each of us just because he loves us. 

At the conclusion of mass, I  leave with a sense of peace one that I have struggled especially to find this year especially as  in many years past. Looking back in the week since Christmas, I  wonder how I could have let myself lose the focus and joy of the simple truths of Christmas.  I'll resolve to do better next year and perhaps I can and I will. And once more during Christmas Day while  listening to Christmas music and the beautiful voice of Judy Garland I was reminded... 

"Have yourself a merry little Christmas

Let your heart be light
Next year all our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Make the yule tide gay

Next year all our troubles will be miles away

Will trouble on this earth ever be gone?  Probably not but the hope of Christmas is that God has something in store for each of us beyond the simple reality or circumstances of our lives here.  Our hope is to remain looking expectantly with childlike wonder toward his light and to let that hope and that promise transform our here and now so that we can , "Have a Merry Little Christmas Now. "  Help us each to trust in the hope that we can be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with him forever in the next.