Everyday Epiphanies

I'm taking one last look at my Christmas tree which I left up until the church celebrated day for the Epiphany this past Sunday.  I love my tree!  Mostly the ornaments which are covered with memories ornaments made by my children, ornaments made by Bill's Grandma Campbell long since deceased, ornaments purchased from almost every place I have been with my family, ornaments brought home to me from Germany by my father and even a few that belonged to my mother. Each year as I put it up it reminds me of all I have to be thankful for. This year it took on even more meaning as I emerge from a year of cancer treatment.

Everyday going forward suddenly has so much more meaning and purpose to it. I take so much less for granted.  Even household chores are becoming less burdensome as I am thankful that I can get up feel good and push the vacuum.  I can make dinner for my husband and minister to others.  In short what seemed mundane no longer feels that way to me.


As I pondered this new lease that I have on life I was reminded of my mother.  It's funny the things that you remember about someone and what they did or said when they are gone.  She died in 1990 when I was still pretty young, just twenty five. I would say that I took a lot for granted before her death and her sudden death changed me and the choices I made going forward. Like choosing to stay home with my newborn son rather than pursuing what I thought was my destiny of being a courtroom litigator.  What's really important when you realize that life is not forever?

This morning as I was pondering my thoughts and trying to put them down and be more faithful to using my time better going forward I thought of the play, Our Town, that my mother and I saw together twice when she was alive and even though I have not seen it since it came back to me.  For those reading who are not familiar, Our Town is a 1938 three act play written by Thornton Wilder, an American playwright. The set for the play is very minimal; there is nothing elaborate no scenery and almost no props. Act 1 begins and ends as  a simple and routine day as the audience is introduced to the cast of characters including the two main characters Emily and George who are young students attending school in their town of Grover's Corner, New Hampshire.  Act 2 fast forwards 6 years to when the two are married. Act 3 begins somberly 9 years later as Emily is laid to rest following her death in childbirth. This scene takes place at the cemetery where Emily talks with others from the town who have also now died and wants to return to live just one more day. She is allowed to do so and chooses a fairly ordinary day that of her twelfth birthday. As she begins to relive this one day, she is struck by how fleeting life is and how so much of daily life is taken for granted rather than savoring every moment.  This painful realization prompts her to return to the others at the cemetery with a poignant quote "Does anyone ever realize life while they live it... every, every moment?"

I can still recall my mother who cried at the end of this play both times but the second time as we saw it most in my memory.  It was Fall 1985, the year before I was married.  It was time together that I took for granted just like the characters in the play.  She had come to visit me at The University of Florida for Parent's weekend at my sorority, Phi Mu.  I was looking for something for us to do together to pass the time and I think one of my sorority sisters was in the play.  At the time, the future seemed endless, I was getting married in August and time seemed just an obstacle to pass time till my future began. By Fall of 1986, I was married, living in New Hampshire and my time with my mother until her death in 1990 would only be for brief visits  when we visited Florida and for the last time when I graduated law school in 1989.

Fast forward to 2013.  Much has happened in life.  I am married and I have 3 children, 2 adults and 1 on the verge of adulthood.  Life in Warner Robins, Georgia appears pretty boring most of the time.  The joy of parenting young children is long since gone and often I feel like I don't have much input into the lives of my children who are probably much like I was over 25 years ago. Enter a cancer diagnosis leading to my own Epiphany much like the one when my mother died that reminds me that life is not forever.  None of us know how long we ourselves or those whom we love will be here.  The challenge is to live everyday as an opportunity.  Prior to 2013, I would have guessed that I would be like my maternal grandma who died at 94 since I didn't smoke, wasn't obese and had no real health concerns. Living this past year has reminded me of the value of each and everyday.  I wish I could say that I have made the most of everyday since my diagnosis but I can't.  I can however say that I am living with a new awareness of all the blessings in my life and more determined to be thankful and grateful in return. Time to stop writing and onto living!