Everyday Epiphanies

I'm taking one last look at my Christmas tree which I left up until the church celebrated day for the Epiphany this past Sunday.  I love my tree!  Mostly the ornaments which are covered with memories ornaments made by my children, ornaments made by Bill's Grandma Campbell long since deceased, ornaments purchased from almost every place I have been with my family, ornaments brought home to me from Germany by my father and even a few that belonged to my mother. Each year as I put it up it reminds me of all I have to be thankful for. This year it took on even more meaning as I emerge from a year of cancer treatment.

Everyday going forward suddenly has so much more meaning and purpose to it. I take so much less for granted.  Even household chores are becoming less burdensome as I am thankful that I can get up feel good and push the vacuum.  I can make dinner for my husband and minister to others.  In short what seemed mundane no longer feels that way to me.


As I pondered this new lease that I have on life I was reminded of my mother.  It's funny the things that you remember about someone and what they did or said when they are gone.  She died in 1990 when I was still pretty young, just twenty five. I would say that I took a lot for granted before her death and her sudden death changed me and the choices I made going forward. Like choosing to stay home with my newborn son rather than pursuing what I thought was my destiny of being a courtroom litigator.  What's really important when you realize that life is not forever?

This morning as I was pondering my thoughts and trying to put them down and be more faithful to using my time better going forward I thought of the play, Our Town, that my mother and I saw together twice when she was alive and even though I have not seen it since it came back to me.  For those reading who are not familiar, Our Town is a 1938 three act play written by Thornton Wilder, an American playwright. The set for the play is very minimal; there is nothing elaborate no scenery and almost no props. Act 1 begins and ends as  a simple and routine day as the audience is introduced to the cast of characters including the two main characters Emily and George who are young students attending school in their town of Grover's Corner, New Hampshire.  Act 2 fast forwards 6 years to when the two are married. Act 3 begins somberly 9 years later as Emily is laid to rest following her death in childbirth. This scene takes place at the cemetery where Emily talks with others from the town who have also now died and wants to return to live just one more day. She is allowed to do so and chooses a fairly ordinary day that of her twelfth birthday. As she begins to relive this one day, she is struck by how fleeting life is and how so much of daily life is taken for granted rather than savoring every moment.  This painful realization prompts her to return to the others at the cemetery with a poignant quote "Does anyone ever realize life while they live it... every, every moment?"

I can still recall my mother who cried at the end of this play both times but the second time as we saw it most in my memory.  It was Fall 1985, the year before I was married.  It was time together that I took for granted just like the characters in the play.  She had come to visit me at The University of Florida for Parent's weekend at my sorority, Phi Mu.  I was looking for something for us to do together to pass the time and I think one of my sorority sisters was in the play.  At the time, the future seemed endless, I was getting married in August and time seemed just an obstacle to pass time till my future began. By Fall of 1986, I was married, living in New Hampshire and my time with my mother until her death in 1990 would only be for brief visits  when we visited Florida and for the last time when I graduated law school in 1989.

Fast forward to 2013.  Much has happened in life.  I am married and I have 3 children, 2 adults and 1 on the verge of adulthood.  Life in Warner Robins, Georgia appears pretty boring most of the time.  The joy of parenting young children is long since gone and often I feel like I don't have much input into the lives of my children who are probably much like I was over 25 years ago. Enter a cancer diagnosis leading to my own Epiphany much like the one when my mother died that reminds me that life is not forever.  None of us know how long we ourselves or those whom we love will be here.  The challenge is to live everyday as an opportunity.  Prior to 2013, I would have guessed that I would be like my maternal grandma who died at 94 since I didn't smoke, wasn't obese and had no real health concerns. Living this past year has reminded me of the value of each and everyday.  I wish I could say that I have made the most of everyday since my diagnosis but I can't.  I can however say that I am living with a new awareness of all the blessings in my life and more determined to be thankful and grateful in return. Time to stop writing and onto living!

Do Whatever He Tells You

Welcome to 2014! If only I could synchronize my thoughts with actually sitting down to write what is in my heart.  As I begin this New Year, I am full of joy and expectation and resolved to be better in a number of ways.  January 1st, I began right for the first time in years...I went to mass!! After all, my Catholic faith I espouse has taught me that it IS a holy day of obligation.  I almost did not as I had my inlaws packing to leave, my husband  at work and I was tired from staying out at parties till past midnight and holiday entertaining.  I do believe that God was challenging me and  I knew clearly in my heart what he was telling me to DO...  make following him and doing what he was telling me a priority by following through and   joining with others in my faith community to honor him first on this 1st day of the New Year. 

My trip to church was rewarded as it always it by seeing friends and more importantly by a renewal of joy that comes from obeying my Lord and Savior putting him first and turning everything over to him. "Obey" doing as someone else is telling us is often challenging and in today's world downright counter cultural. The title for this post comes right out of scripture from the gospel of John Chapter 2,  

"On the third day there was a wedding in Cana in Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. Jesus and his disciples were also invited to the wedding.  When the wine ran short, the mother of Jesus said to him. 'They have no wine.'
 [And] Jesus said to her, 'Woman how does your concern affect me? My hour has not yet come.'  His mother said to the servers, 'Do whatever he tells you.'" 

Here as the story unfolds we see, Jesus, God incarnate, choosing to obey his mother by performing his first miracle and transforming the water into wine.  This brings up a question of why would Jesus or why would anyone choose to obey another?  A recent thought provoking question that I heard from a deacon at church during a gathering of our Cursillo community was, "Do we obey because we love or do we love because we obey? My response after weeks of pondering is that we obey because we love.  Choosing to obey or submit to another is often an act of selfless love when done not out of coercion, fear or guilt but truly and lovingly deciding to respond by doing what is asked.

So how to discern what God is asking?  My life and those of many whom I call friends in my faith community have been incredibly blessed by a movement within our church called Cursillo.  There is a similar movement in the Protestant Faith called Walk to Emmaus and Tres Dias.  To know anyone God included demands that we devote time to that relationship. We do this in 3 ways first through study or learning. Second, We must devote time talking and listening to God by prayer or piety.  Finally, once we know we must move forward with action by doing what he is telling us. 

Much of 2013 for me was spent studying and praying.  Having started last January with a breast cancer diagnosis, I learned and encountered many new and challenging things from medical information to the realities of how many people have been touched by and affected by this disease.  I confronted the reality that my life was ultimately in God's hands. I prayed, increased my attendance at mass and was joined by and supported by others who prayed for my strength and healing as I journeyed through fear, sickness and once again toward physical health with a new sense of understanding and awareness. I can honestly say that 2013 was a time for me to grow spiritually with a new awareness of what matters in life and paving the way for a future where my life can be more purposeful moving forward.  Yes God, I am listening and you have my attention.  Now in 2014, the challenge is to action by obeying God and serving him first and foremost. 2

A Meaningful yet Short Journey

This post is a tribute to my dear friend, Bec Alegre.  But not just Bec but also her beloved husband Ed.  As I started to write this post weeks ago, I asked the Holy Spirit to guide me in pouring out what is in my heart.  When I began this post,  my friend Bec had just entered hospice  and was living out what was expected to be just a few days. Bec Alegre has meant so much to many of us  in my Middle Georgia community and coming to accept that the cancer which she had struggled against so bravely would in just a short time claim her life have been a swirl of emotions for so many.  Sadness to be sure, but joy and hope are equally at play in those who know her and share her faith in God.

A little of my personal journey just to witness to the impact that Bec and Ed have had on my life and my husband, Bill's, life in really just a very short time.  It is a truly a testament to the power of two people united to God and each other and how we can each make a difference in our world.  Early this February, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  It came from out of the blue no family history and me under the age of 50. My parents are both deceased, I have no siblings and although I have my husband's family we do not share a spiritual connection as believers do.

Back up farther Bec and Ed were members of our St Patrick's Faith community. I came to know them both when a became a part of the Cursillo Family. You can read about Cursillo if you are not familiar with this movement in the Catholic Church in my post Your Will not My Whim written in 2010 shortly after I made my Cursillo weekend. Both Bec and Ed had served on team for Cursillo meaning they put on the weekends.  I first got to know Bec when we traveled to a formation meeting together. So many words describe Bec spunky, vivacious and of course joyful but what impressed me the most was her deep and abiding sense of Faith and trust in God.

Fast forward a bit. Ed is apostolic by nature.  He truly wants to bring more people to know Christ more in our community and his favorite church ministry is Cursillo.  He very much wanted my husband, Bill to make a Cursillo weekend but my Bill though very spiritual was a little uncomfortable with the idea of spending a weekend camping out and sharing "feelings,"  with a group of men from church.  Our friendship remained status quo for sometime, we saw each other at church, I saw Bec and Ed at Cursillo events and Bill and I saw the Alegres at other church related functions.


In 2012, Bec was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and required surgery and chemotherapy.  Her chemotherapy regimen was demanding to say the least and she suffered many of the usual side effects especially fatigue and of course hair loss.  I never remember her missing Mass even though she often looked like she felt awful.  She truly had a warrior spirit and never lost that sense of humor.  She accumulated an assortment of wigs, my favorite was the Bahama Mama one which made her look like a cross between Bob Marley and Bo Derek. The entire Catholic Community in Warner Robins and beyond as well as many friends from other faith traditions prayed constantly for our dear Bec as we were kept abreast of her healing journey through periodic emails from Ed. Toward the end of last year she emerged feeling better and looking to be cancer free.  She celebrated with joy some of her favorite holidays Halloween and Christmas.

In January of this year, a one year Canciversary party was held for Bec in the recently completed Tuscan room at their home.  It was a day full of joy, good food and many blessings.  By then my own Cancer journey had begun.  I had a sizable lump in my breast and was waiting anxiously for my appointment with a breast surgeon.  By that time, Bec and Ed had taken me under their wings.  I had started attending daily mass where they were already regular attendees.  I was overcome with anxiety yet there was Bec having emerged from the battle of her life against a diagnosis far worse than mine calming me with her wisdom and complete trust and faith in God no matter what the circumstances.

The next few months from February through early June was the heart of my Cancer journey as I underwent a biopsy, confirmation of diagnosis, oncology visits and finally the start of chemotherapy.  Bec and Ed were always one of our first calls after these crucial appointments listening to each report, providing compassion and walking step by step with us a journey which they had just completed and cheering us on. Ed was always concerned for how Bill was dealing with things as he understood completely what it meant to be a caregiver and worry about the well being of the one you love the most.  Bec was there calming my ever bubbling anxiety and mentoring me with her Faith filled spirit.  At some point, Bec in some ways reminded me of my own mom although she is noway old enough to fill that role so maybe a big sister would be a better description but all I know is that Bec was the kind of person that anyone facing a diagnosis and struggle with Cancer would be extremely blessed to have in their life and I did! We were frequently together socially playing tennis, having dinner together and of course cocktail hours.  We shared a lot of laughter, our friendship grew and our lives became more intertwined.

In May, Ed and Bec took a cruise together.  It would seem that life was returning to their old normal which had been a mixture of Faith, friends, travel and fun as I am looking back at pictures of their life together.  However just before leaving Bec shared with me after mass one day that recent lab tests had revealed an increase in Cancer markers and that this would have to be evaluated with further testing once they returned.  In true Alegre fashion as I have come to understand, they forged ahead and had another memorable trip and cruise making new friends along the way.  Shortly after their return, it was confirmed that Bec's cancer had returned and that this time treatment options were limited, short term and that this recurrence would ultimately prove to be fatal.

Where do people of Faith turn it such times of trial?  To God as we believe that he made us, loves us and guides our journey.  We are ultimately in his hands and sometimes we struggle to accept that his will includes suffering.  Bec and Ed's confidence and trust in God flows naturally from them both and  was also transforming Bill's and my own spirituality. Once again, Ed invited Bill to join in the weekly group at his home of fellow male cursillistas.  And this time, Bill was ready to be a part of this gathering and sharing of spirituality. Although hurting for our friends, I was overjoyed to see this growth of faith in my own husband.  Bill and I now talk more about Faith with one another which had long been a desire of mine as he is such a wonderful husband and good person and this just adds to the blessings of our marriage.

The next few months from June forward have been a mix of ups and downs.  For a while it seemed like Bec was outwardly very healthy but she knew in her heart differently as she privately confided with some that she didn't expect to beat it this time.  She was the epitome of a purposeful and faith filled believer as she looked back with no regrets at the time she had been given since her initial bout with Cancer.  In early May, she had again served on team for Cursillo speaking about Piety and again forging forward to encourage others to draw closer to Christ.  I will never forget her saying to me upon completing this service that she felt like she had done what God had called her to do and was ready to accept death whenever God called her.

It is difficult to accept that as I have grown healthier in my own battle with Cancer, Bec has declined, become sicker, and grown weaker.  Both before entering hospice and throughout her time there, she continued  to amaze and inspire as did her husband Ed with his complete commitment to his wife in sickness and health and both of their complete trust in God. Three weeks ago, we were all somewhat shocked to be called to the hospital emergency room by Ed as what had seemingly been a normal doctor's visit and another Chemo infusion had ended with Bec experiencing severe pain and needing to go to the hospital. I had just seen her hours before while receiving an infusion at the same facility and even talked to them a bit later on the phone.  Now we were all confronted with the sad fact that Bec's continued stomach related symptoms from the past month had resulted in an obstruction to her intestine and the only fix was surgery.  Unfortunately, Bec would not have tolerated the surgery or likely been able to recover. So at that point we did what believers do we gathered together, prayed and comforted one another.

Bec entered a local hospice unit and for her first days there we all shared in a sort of living wake.  She was alert and with her typical sense of humor.  All the area priests visited Bec frequently and we even celebrated several masses in her hospice room #6.  One evening as we prayed the rosary our talented music minister brought her guitar and we sang joyfully many of our favorite faith filled songs.  She had so many visitors that the hospice unit had occasionally to shush us and as the days continued on visits had to be shortened to give both Bec and Ed a chance to rest.

The hospice journey which started out to be what we all expected would be a matter of days lingered on for 3 and a half weeks.  By her last week, Bec was extremely weak and slept almost continuously.  Though her body was ravaged by cancer and its symptoms, her spirit was strong and her young 62 year old body as well.  It was difficult to watch her body waste away and that vibrant spirit ebbing as she slowly declined and prepared to leave this world. Her spirit was matched by her husband, Ed's determination not to leave her side and to provide every care and comfort to her as he had vowed to do throughout their marriage and he did throughout from the onset of her cancer until her final breath. A weak ago as we celebrated mass one last time at the hospice unit I watched Bec struggle to participate in mass but was joyful to once more be in her presence celebrating the faith that sustains our community throughout our joys and sorrows.  As I embraced her and said goodbye that day I told her I loved her and she in her trademark way weakly said to me, "Back at ya!."

Yesterday, an early morning call from Ed summoned Bill and I to be with him as Bec had finally passed in peace and a small group of us gathered to pray final prayers over her body. Now her journey is complete and all that remains is to gather for funeral rites and say our final goodbyes.  We all went to St Patrick's yesterday, Sunday, to again celebrate mass as we do most Sundays and for me Bec's spirit was there joyful, faith filled and confident ... free from an early body that could no longer support such a remarkable soul. It was there that my first tears began to fall as I pondered how much she had meant to my life in such a short time.  During Bec's time in hospice one day, I sat on the edge of her bed held her hand and looked into her beautiful twinkling blue eyes, which my father used to say was the window to the soul, and tried to thank her for what she had meant to me. It had occurred to me earlier that day that although our time as close friends had been short it had been frought with meaning.  For some reason the story of the disciplines leaving Jerusalem on the way to Emmaus after the crucifixion made sense of this and gave me some understanding of this journey. I have learned that the trip between those two places in the Holy Land is short and when the disciples encountered unbeknown  to them the risen Jesus and shared with him the scriptures and finally broke bread together their eyes were opened. I shared this reflection with Bec and thanked her for all she had done to fortify my journey and told her that although our time together had been short I was so grateful and blessed to have come to know her even though relative to many others my time with her was brief. Ok so I admit I did tear up in room 6 when I said this to her....sorry Ed!  My tears as I told her were tears of joy for all she had meant to me and for the faith which as  a believer I believe would lead her to a new life in Christ one that is free from all suffering and where peace is eternal.  My friend, I hope you can in some way continue to watch over me and with your spirit which I feel is very close even though you have left us that you will somehow encourage and guide me and that one day God willing we will meet again.

Thoughts on Trusting God through Trial

Faith in God requires trust.  It is easy to feel affirmed and trusting when surrounded by good things in life but when the trials come where does this leave us?  We are so dependent on affirmations and when we experience those trying times we often struggle to accept and understand that God is indeed present in the good and in the bad working in our lives and the lives of others. Often our peace suffers because of  the actions of another something completely beyond our control. This peace is dependent on externals and   is easily destroyed.  It is only through better knowledge of God surrender and childlike  trust in his guidance both in our own lives and those of others that true serenity is possible.

Our love for others can be one of the greatest sources for pure joy. Case in point the love that as a parent you discover for your precious newborn or young child. Love however to be healthy often requires boundaries that can mean that we have to pull back even from someone we love deeply like a partner or a child. We cannot control others or their choices even from very early on and we must instead endeavor to focus on our own power of choice and mindset. Loving as a Christian may prompt us to do too much at times but genuine love requires a balance between our own needs and the needs of another.

It is at this point that we can grow by turning to God although  we cannot understand with our limited knowledge his all his ways.   When we allow God to inspire our actions and direct our paths or actions toward others we can further God's purpose in our world.  Lord, guide my journey this day and always.  Help me to trust you to handle what I cannot.  I so want the peace that you promise but I cannot find it in the circumstances of this life.  I can only find it through knowledge of you and through allowing and trusting you to direct my ways and those whom I love.  I must allow and trust  you to take control of my life. In doing so may I become pleasing to you and a light for others to come to see and know you.

Blogging, Praying and Trusting

This weekend I spent a rainy Saturday with a group of other Catholics at a formation for an upcoming weekend in late October called Cursillo. For those who have never heard the term "Cursillo," a brief explanation.  It is a long weekend for Catholics to spend time encountering Christ put on by past Cursillo attendees and religious from the Church.  It can be a powerful and transforming experience which for many can revolutionize their lives and facilitate a richer and deeper faith life. But that is not the purpose of today's entry...it is an introduction or reintroduction to my blog...yes I DO Blog. My time this weekend reminded me that God has gifted us each with unique talents that we are to use for him.  One of mine is writing or so I think. I have a busy brain with many thoughts running through it during the day sometimes I believe God has something he wants me to use this talent to "impart" but at the very least my thoughts if I write them down become a legacy for those close to me to discover what's on my mind.  Ultimately as I am constantly reminded who I am and what I do in this life is a gift from God and if I want to become his instrument then I must heed the promptings of the Spirit by writing down and sharing my thoughts.... 

So today as I actually seek to follow through with this prompting of the Spirit I felt called to review many of my half finished entries for one that seemed to convey some wisdom that perhaps I have learned, need to learn and can share.  My eye landed upon an unfinished entry about worrying less and praying more.  I am a worrier.  My worries frequently distract me from my responsibilities and good intentions.  I am the product of two parents who though they were faith filled individuals also worried too much.  Letting go of my worries today has been something I am reflecting upon. It is so easy to become bogged down by a multitude of details and to allow things like to dos or what ifs  to consume me.  For me this takes two forms.  First, I become over focused on someone whom I am worried or concerned about. When I feel as though something is wrong with someone I love or someone I love treats me poorly, I can easily become discouraged. Too often this becomes the point in my day where all my productivity is halted and  the whole day goes downhill.  The other major roadblock I encounter can be when I allow a concern or worry to consume my thoughts.  A great example this year would be my fears surrounding my Cancer diagnosis.  Things like how bad is it, what treatments do I need and now that I am through many treatments what if it comes back?

Some people claim that cancer is a gift but that ideal is angrily rejected by many. OK so maybe not a gift but definitely a turning point that causes the person diagnosed and those close to that person to reexamine and reevaluate their lives.  One theme that keeps coming up for me is that I need to turn my worries about others and about my own future over to God.  How do I do this?  Duh, I claim to be a person of faith and yet all too often I rely on my own understanding or better put my lack of understanding to solve problems that come my way.  Why don't I focus   my energy in another direction?  Why don't I consistently turn these obstacles  over to God in prayer and ask  for his help and direction? 

Too often I dwell on troubles and challenges instead of pushing them from my mind. Continuing to ruminate on the bad drains my energy and for the most part changes little. Here's an example, I argue with my daughter some mornings about any number of things that parents may argue with teenagers about and then worry about her after as she drives to school. I may allow this unpleasant experience to continue to influence my day or I may struggle with worry over her safety. What if instead, I made a conscious choice to let go of this experience and to ask God to bless her and guide her throughout the day ahead. For myself, I can examine my actions briefly and ask God for his pardon for my failures during that exchange and also for his direction for my actions and thoughts in the rest of my day and in future instances where my daughter and I may disagree. At this point, I can make a decision to let go of what is past and to look ahead to the future confident that God is close at hand to direct my path.

How many times have I sought to live out this wisdom?  I wrote the above paragraph almost 3 years ago and today I am still struggling to understand the limits of my power and the need to pray more, worry less and trust God to work both in my own life and in the lives of my children and in other of life's circumstances. Does this mean it is hopeless?  Certainly not!  I can take a quick tour in my mind of the past and see clearly that God has and is always working in my life and that my worrying has only served as a source for my own anxiety. Fortunately for me and for others too, I have learned that our God is a patient teacher and a loving parent who constantly teaches us and often teaches us over and over again the necessity of turning our problems over to him and trusting in his ability to deliver us each day. So remember today and keep reminding me as well to Worry less and Pray more! And for my fellow Cursillistas...de Colores!

Lessons from Cancer

I will always remember the words of the radiologist who did the biopsy that would confirm my breast cancer.  She told me, "You are going to have a hard year but you are going to be fine."  It was just the words of calm that I needed at the time as my blood pressure spiked and my anxiety seemed completely uncontrollable. Also from this doctor and others take things one day at a time.  It's been almost 6 months since then and the probability of my complete healing is beginning to seem like a reality.

From March through June, I underwent 6 chemotherapy treatments every three weeks.  The physical toll it takes on you is substantial.  I went from playing tennis which I was really enjoying three or four times per week to not being able to play at all.  Climbing stairs was an effort.  I lost my hair, my skin was broken out in a red rash, and my fingernails and toenails began to yellow, ridge and become brittle.  I wish I could say I lost weight but that will have to come once I am truly more healthy again.  For most of the summer, I was unable to do the work I love teaching little ones to swim.  I had to plan mini vacations with my family around my treatments.  I can look back thinking about all those things I lost but instead I will chose to focus on what I have learned and gained.

First and foremost, my faith is stronger than ever.  A Christian looks to Jesus for healing as the bible is filled with stories of his compassion for the sick and how his touch healed many.  At the outset of this journey, I received the sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick which is administered to Catholics.  The priest anointed my head  and hands with oil while a group from our church prayed for my healing.  It was a powerful reminder of my own reliance on God for healing and also an affirmation of the love and prayers from my church community which gave me hope and strength. I was determined to rely on my faith for strength from the outset.  Whatever happened I wanted to accept God's will in allowing me to suffer from this illness and ultimately to accept whatever would come as a result of this illness.

Thankfully God sends angels into our lives not always winged supernatural creatures but often extraordinary individuals whose strength and guidance seems heaven sent.  This blog would go on forever if I listed each individual who reached out and helped to pull me along in this journey but one extraordinary person appeared just when I needed her most.  Bec is a fellow cancer warrior and survivor.  A year ago when I thought cancer was not something relevant to my life I watched Bec, a member of my church, go through surgery and chemotherapy and prayed for her healing and marveled at her strength.  Although our paths had crossed in church, it was not until the start of my own illness that I came to truly better know and appreciate Bec and her strength of faith and conviction.
 In January when I first became aware of my possible illness and diagnosis, I began to frequent daily mass.  Bec and her husband Ed were there everyday with hugs support and prayers and most importantly the wisdom to trust in God and not to be afraid.  They both became mine and my husband's mentors for how to face the unknown prospects that come with a serious illness and how to allow God to move you closer to him through trial.  I've learned that surviving cancer for whatever time is an opportunity to pay it forward and to give thanks for your health and those who have blessed you by redoubling your efforts to serve God and reach out to others.

In addition to what I've learned spiritually as a result of this disease I've also come to understand this disease and its affect on individuals who fight to survive and receive treatment.  I confess to being completely ignorant about Cancer for the most part until my own diagnosis.  A couple of years ago I had begun following a young girl from the Orlando Florida area named Talia Castellano who was fighting neuroblastoma.  I read her updates on my Facebook and was drawn to her spunky warrior attitude.  Last Fall, I watched her on the Ellen Show.  Talia though just 13 was an aspiring makeup artist who became a You Tube sensation.  She rejected wearing wigs despite her hair loss and instead chose to use make up as a focus to accentuate her beautiful features.  This young lady was however more than a fashion obsessed teen.  In her interview with Ellen, she was asked how despite her diagnosis she stayed so positive.  Her reply, "What am I supposed to do be depressed?  A little fishy once told me...just keep swimming."  This line was in reference to the character Dory from Finding Nemo whose voice came from Ellen DeGeneres and whose motto to just keep swimming is a great mantra for anyone going through any struggle especially Cancer.  It is is a fun way to remember to take things one day at a time and keep going and appreciate what each day brings you.  A few other lessons from Talia.  First, childhood cancer is robbing too many children of their lives and far too little resources are being directed toward finding a cure.  Most everyone with cancer wants to live no matter their age. I know 48 seemed too early for me to leave this life and my husband and kids but I can at least say that I've had my fair share of life marriage, children, travel and many other experiences.  These kids who succumb to childhood cancer are robbed of far too much in life.

Watch this video to understand how cancer is affecting children and what you can do.  Sadly Talia became one of the children lost to this horrible disease on July 16, 2013. Shortly before her death, she chose to encourage donations to a local Children's Cancer Charity in Orlando.  Her fundraising to date has raised over $125,000.  It is a reminder that our lives do not have to be defined by length of days but by what we do during the time that God gives us.

Another group of cancer warriors that commanded my attention were those suffering from metastatic breast cancer.  Again prior to my diagnosis, I knew precious little about breast cancer beyond what we hear a lot of especially during October when we see pink everywhere and discuss the importance of mammograms and early detection.  Once diagnosed with breast cancer the foremost question on your mind is have I caught this early enough has this spread?  In my own case, all the signs were encouraging.  I had regular mammograms and no concern had appeared in my previous mammogram just 10 months earlier.  I had my initial MRI and ultrasound that suggested that my lymph nodes were not involved but until my sentinel node biopsy and follow up pathology report last week my mind was not at ease.  Many women are surviving breast cancer but those who are dying are those whose cancer metastasizes.  Far too much is not understood about how this occurs and how to effectively treat it. I am currently following a number of women on Facebook and on other blogs who must fight daily against metastatic breast cancer.  For them, there is no complete cure.  they continue to require chemotherapy and other treatment not with the goal of a cure but with the goal of prolonging their lives and hopefully living with minimal symptoms. These are women of all ages as women can be diagnosed with breast cancer even as young as 21 and far too often these women have very aggressive cancers and a poor prognosis. Just ask Bridget Spence a 29 year old who died this past April after fighting this disease for 8 years having discovered it just shortly after her college graduation.  You can read her blog My Big Girl Pants to catch glimpses of the toll this disease takes on someone with this diagnosis  http://mybiggirlpants.blogspot.com/  Another very informative website is http://www.metavivor.org/Awareness.html  This explains more about metastatic breast cancer and also discusses what is a public misperception that all breast cancer is curable.  There is still more that needs to be done to win this fight.

Truly Cancer has changed my life.  Right now I feel incredibly blessed.  I have a good prognosis following a successful lumpectomy and a negative sentinel node biopsy.  I still will need to undergo radiation and most likely take something like tamoxifen for the best long term prognosis but the future health wise looks promising.  I cannot forget the lessons I have learned during these past 6 months or so.  First and foremost would be the value of each day of my life and to take a hard look at how I am spending it.  Second would be the need to open my eyes to the suffering of others and to make the most of opportunities to have compassion and understanding for the many in this world who suffer in some way. Finally, I am learning more so than ever the value of prayer.  Prayer is about accepting and learning from what challenges you are faced with.  It is about accepting that you don't have all of the answers in life and that often the most you can do is pray especially for those things that you cannot control and to seek to accept with serenity those people and circumstances that you cannot change.  Trust that God alone can do what we can't and seek to understand his will in your own life.

Viewing and Visiting Venice

Another installment of our voyage through Italy.  The city of Venice conjures up many romantic images and it is certainly a place where romantics just have to go.  Surrounded by water below sea level and with visions of gondoliers paddling you around it has a unique flavor unlike any other.  Our quartet arrived via train on Saturday, May 5, 2012 from and then proceeded by water taxi to our hotel.  Traveling by water taxi is crowded and noisy but with no cars anywhere in this city which actually is composed of many islands connected by numerous bridges it is walk or take the water taxi.

Just as in Rome, our accommodations were just what we wanted and needed.  First location.  Our Hotel Pagnelli was just steps from the water taxi which meant that our over packed American suitcases only had to be drug a short distance into the lobby and up the stairs to our rooms.  The hotel Pagnelli was once a convent and our charming albeit small courtyard rooms overlooked nearby rooftops.  Soon after our arrival we were thrilled to hear the bells ringing from the nearby church.  As the title of this post indicates Venice is definitely a city with beautiful and picturesque views around every corner.

We settled in in time to set off for one of Rick Steve's suggestions the pub crawl. Another noisy water taxi but we soon found ourselves in another part of the city past the Bridge of Sighs and wandering in and out of shops in search of  of wine and dinner.  Ok so maybe the pub crawl is better for the younger crowd so we decided to choose instead to sit down to dinner in a restaurant and have wine and food served to us instead of jostle for space and limited table space in pubs where people seemed to mostly be standing.  Cannot remember the name of the restaurant and what we ate but  can suggest that if you visit Venice and see something you like you should probably stop then and there because in the maze of very narrow streets, you will never find it again but more on that later...following a quiet and wonderful dinner experience we set off to walk off the latest round of Italian dining which is not hard to do in Venice where walking is the best option.  Nighttime had set in a we wandered over bridges and through the narrow streets to a much quieter city than when we had arrived.  Venice is a popular cruise stop so during the day the narrow streets are very crowded with day visitors making evening and night when the big boats sail away a much better option.

Imagine at night with only light from windows...

Our evening still held a few more adventures in store.  First we took Rick Steve's suggestion about finding a gondola off the beaten path. 9 to 10 PM was a perfect time to hire a gondola and we did so far away from the Grand Canal.  The full moon was as the song says like a big pizza pie and the perfect setting for amore as we paddled quietly along the waterways and past the bridges and buildings and sights like no other in the world.

 Next Rick, that's Rick Bavec, set out with a mission to find the best dessert in all Venice. Did I tell you walking was the way to go?  Anyway Italy is supposed to be about canolis right we have all had them at the Olive Garden or Carrabbas...Just do a quick Yelp or Google search and you can find anything...well not walking in Venice! And probably not cannolis as they are Sicilian and Venice is in Northern Italy far from Sicily!  Nor with a declining battery in your Iphone.  We never did find it but we did walk off dinner and find our way back to the water taxi.

Bill  analyzing politics & leading the way

When you are in Europe everyone knows you are American, go figure.  Anyway while waiting for the water taxi, we encountered a group of French tourists who upon discovering we were American wanted to ask us for the name of President Obama's latest book.  Warning skip this section if conservative Republican politics offends you....Bill responded without skipping a beat, "How I destroyed America. " Just as in Rome when Sherrie and I went for gelato in our PJs pretending it was Walmart, we did America proud by letting them know that this group of Americans were not Obama lovers!

So no dessert but we did find another open restaurant nearby the hotel where we wandered in. Note European spaces are very small be extremely careful when walking through a restaurant especially after drinking wine!  While sitting down for a late night coffee  (could have been our 2nd night there) but is too funny not to share, I accidentally bumped into a gentleman's table and his bottled water spilled into his lap.  Being a polite semi Southern American, I did my best to apologize in my very best Italian.  I turned around to discover that all my companions had fled the restaurant leaving me!  Apparently, my loving and devoted husband upon discovering my mishap signalled Sherrie and Rick and led the way out of the restaurant leaving me abandoned in a foreign country.  Don't worry, I love you all and do forgive you!

Rainy day in Venice

Shopping!

Did I say the weather was perfect?  Ok forgot, it did rain in Venice!  Bad morning for walking through narrow streets past many cruise tourists with umbrellas.  Good day for some shopping and to wander through an art museum in St Marks square. Venice is a good place to shop for glass and is also fun to look a souvenirs from the annual Carnival which is the big festival prior to the beginning of Lent when elaborate costumes are worn with masks. St Marks Square is beautiful.  The Cathedral of St Mark houses the bones of the apostle Mark.  We went to Mass in this beautiful cathedral one of our days there, a highlight for us all on our trip.  Also walking into the square en route to the Correr Gallery, we walked past a string quartet playing music.  I have always thought that Sherrie and Rick were some of the most romantic people I know and still are after 25 years of marriage. Right there in the middle of the square Rick and Sherrie began dancing and twirling while the bad played. Check out the video below!  I guess the romance is still there!

St Mark's Cathedral, Piazzo San Marco

 Next stop the museum.  Sherrie and I both found that we love to look at paintings and try to comprehend the message of the art.  I myself was in awe of the beauty of so much religious inspired works of art.  Our boys like the quick tour and then to find a place to sit and take in the sights and people watching along the square.  They were patient with us but as Bill says," How many pictures of Madonna and baby can you look at?"

Rick & Bill loving the Art

Did I say Venice is crowded?  Next, we escaped the hoards of cruise tourists via water taxi to San Giorgio Maggiore another spectacular church across the Grand Canal. Wherever you are in Europe, Catholic churches are a great place to see amazing architecture and some fabulous artwork.  We also encountered  outside this grand cathedral some type of local rose festival where Sherrie and were crowned with roses by some of the locals.

San Giorgio Maggiore...no crowds!

 Back to the main part of Venice looking for a quiet place overlooking a canal for some lunch. If you walk back off the main streets of Venice you can hope to find somewhere away from the tourists where you can have lunch in a more peaceful surrounding right? Rick took the lead with use walking behind. Remember earlier, I warned to stop whenever you see something? Well we did find the less crowded parts of Venice but we never did find the perfect lunch spot next to the canal again!

Ideal spot for Lunch

Walking!

Resting from Walking

Finally we eat! 

By the time we stopped walking I'm thinking 2 hours later all the cruise people had mostly cleared out and it was dinnertime. Our Last evening in Venice had arrived.  Tuscany and Wine Country awaited us in the morning.  We were glad to have visited Venice as it is completely unique.  After Rome and Venice, we were ready for a few days of the Italian countryside and still saying each day, "We're in still in Italy."

View across is St Marks Square & Doge Palace