Lessons from Cancer

I will always remember the words of the radiologist who did the biopsy that would confirm my breast cancer.  She told me, "You are going to have a hard year but you are going to be fine."  It was just the words of calm that I needed at the time as my blood pressure spiked and my anxiety seemed completely uncontrollable. Also from this doctor and others take things one day at a time.  It's been almost 6 months since then and the probability of my complete healing is beginning to seem like a reality.

From March through June, I underwent 6 chemotherapy treatments every three weeks.  The physical toll it takes on you is substantial.  I went from playing tennis which I was really enjoying three or four times per week to not being able to play at all.  Climbing stairs was an effort.  I lost my hair, my skin was broken out in a red rash, and my fingernails and toenails began to yellow, ridge and become brittle.  I wish I could say I lost weight but that will have to come once I am truly more healthy again.  For most of the summer, I was unable to do the work I love teaching little ones to swim.  I had to plan mini vacations with my family around my treatments.  I can look back thinking about all those things I lost but instead I will chose to focus on what I have learned and gained.

First and foremost, my faith is stronger than ever.  A Christian looks to Jesus for healing as the bible is filled with stories of his compassion for the sick and how his touch healed many.  At the outset of this journey, I received the sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick which is administered to Catholics.  The priest anointed my head  and hands with oil while a group from our church prayed for my healing.  It was a powerful reminder of my own reliance on God for healing and also an affirmation of the love and prayers from my church community which gave me hope and strength. I was determined to rely on my faith for strength from the outset.  Whatever happened I wanted to accept God's will in allowing me to suffer from this illness and ultimately to accept whatever would come as a result of this illness.

Thankfully God sends angels into our lives not always winged supernatural creatures but often extraordinary individuals whose strength and guidance seems heaven sent.  This blog would go on forever if I listed each individual who reached out and helped to pull me along in this journey but one extraordinary person appeared just when I needed her most.  Bec is a fellow cancer warrior and survivor.  A year ago when I thought cancer was not something relevant to my life I watched Bec, a member of my church, go through surgery and chemotherapy and prayed for her healing and marveled at her strength.  Although our paths had crossed in church, it was not until the start of my own illness that I came to truly better know and appreciate Bec and her strength of faith and conviction.
 In January when I first became aware of my possible illness and diagnosis, I began to frequent daily mass.  Bec and her husband Ed were there everyday with hugs support and prayers and most importantly the wisdom to trust in God and not to be afraid.  They both became mine and my husband's mentors for how to face the unknown prospects that come with a serious illness and how to allow God to move you closer to him through trial.  I've learned that surviving cancer for whatever time is an opportunity to pay it forward and to give thanks for your health and those who have blessed you by redoubling your efforts to serve God and reach out to others.

In addition to what I've learned spiritually as a result of this disease I've also come to understand this disease and its affect on individuals who fight to survive and receive treatment.  I confess to being completely ignorant about Cancer for the most part until my own diagnosis.  A couple of years ago I had begun following a young girl from the Orlando Florida area named Talia Castellano who was fighting neuroblastoma.  I read her updates on my Facebook and was drawn to her spunky warrior attitude.  Last Fall, I watched her on the Ellen Show.  Talia though just 13 was an aspiring makeup artist who became a You Tube sensation.  She rejected wearing wigs despite her hair loss and instead chose to use make up as a focus to accentuate her beautiful features.  This young lady was however more than a fashion obsessed teen.  In her interview with Ellen, she was asked how despite her diagnosis she stayed so positive.  Her reply, "What am I supposed to do be depressed?  A little fishy once told me...just keep swimming."  This line was in reference to the character Dory from Finding Nemo whose voice came from Ellen DeGeneres and whose motto to just keep swimming is a great mantra for anyone going through any struggle especially Cancer.  It is is a fun way to remember to take things one day at a time and keep going and appreciate what each day brings you.  A few other lessons from Talia.  First, childhood cancer is robbing too many children of their lives and far too little resources are being directed toward finding a cure.  Most everyone with cancer wants to live no matter their age. I know 48 seemed too early for me to leave this life and my husband and kids but I can at least say that I've had my fair share of life marriage, children, travel and many other experiences.  These kids who succumb to childhood cancer are robbed of far too much in life.

Watch this video to understand how cancer is affecting children and what you can do.  Sadly Talia became one of the children lost to this horrible disease on July 16, 2013. Shortly before her death, she chose to encourage donations to a local Children's Cancer Charity in Orlando.  Her fundraising to date has raised over $125,000.  It is a reminder that our lives do not have to be defined by length of days but by what we do during the time that God gives us.

Another group of cancer warriors that commanded my attention were those suffering from metastatic breast cancer.  Again prior to my diagnosis, I knew precious little about breast cancer beyond what we hear a lot of especially during October when we see pink everywhere and discuss the importance of mammograms and early detection.  Once diagnosed with breast cancer the foremost question on your mind is have I caught this early enough has this spread?  In my own case, all the signs were encouraging.  I had regular mammograms and no concern had appeared in my previous mammogram just 10 months earlier.  I had my initial MRI and ultrasound that suggested that my lymph nodes were not involved but until my sentinel node biopsy and follow up pathology report last week my mind was not at ease.  Many women are surviving breast cancer but those who are dying are those whose cancer metastasizes.  Far too much is not understood about how this occurs and how to effectively treat it. I am currently following a number of women on Facebook and on other blogs who must fight daily against metastatic breast cancer.  For them, there is no complete cure.  they continue to require chemotherapy and other treatment not with the goal of a cure but with the goal of prolonging their lives and hopefully living with minimal symptoms. These are women of all ages as women can be diagnosed with breast cancer even as young as 21 and far too often these women have very aggressive cancers and a poor prognosis. Just ask Bridget Spence a 29 year old who died this past April after fighting this disease for 8 years having discovered it just shortly after her college graduation.  You can read her blog My Big Girl Pants to catch glimpses of the toll this disease takes on someone with this diagnosis  http://mybiggirlpants.blogspot.com/  Another very informative website is http://www.metavivor.org/Awareness.html  This explains more about metastatic breast cancer and also discusses what is a public misperception that all breast cancer is curable.  There is still more that needs to be done to win this fight.

Truly Cancer has changed my life.  Right now I feel incredibly blessed.  I have a good prognosis following a successful lumpectomy and a negative sentinel node biopsy.  I still will need to undergo radiation and most likely take something like tamoxifen for the best long term prognosis but the future health wise looks promising.  I cannot forget the lessons I have learned during these past 6 months or so.  First and foremost would be the value of each day of my life and to take a hard look at how I am spending it.  Second would be the need to open my eyes to the suffering of others and to make the most of opportunities to have compassion and understanding for the many in this world who suffer in some way. Finally, I am learning more so than ever the value of prayer.  Prayer is about accepting and learning from what challenges you are faced with.  It is about accepting that you don't have all of the answers in life and that often the most you can do is pray especially for those things that you cannot control and to seek to accept with serenity those people and circumstances that you cannot change.  Trust that God alone can do what we can't and seek to understand his will in your own life.

Thank you God for your Presence in My Life

Recently, I began an online retreat through a Jesuit website. In my life I have begun a number of these different spiritual quests but as with much in my life procrastination is my downfall. Lately, I find myself seeking a deeper spirituality in my life. I yearn for a state where I will feel OK despite all the chaos that seems to be a constant factor in my life.

My inclination is to turn to books and reading as a source of deepening my spirituality. At times, I find something that really speaks to me and inspires me. Other times, what I read adds little to my growth. I yearn for quiet time but then fill this time with meaningless activities. I struggle to pray without a book or activity to guide me. So how do I open myself up to experience this closer connection to God and this connection that all I read tells me that he desires to have with me?

Yesterday, I landed upon an online retreat. For the past few days, I've been reading about Jesuit spirituality and how to live my active life in the presence of God and to become more attune to God's workings in my daily life. This week in our Ministry of Mother's sharing group we discussed feelings and how all of these are a gift from God and produce an energy from within that allows you to choose to act or not. I often marvel at how when things seem to be working there seems to be many little coincidences that point and prompt you along your path. Focusing on feelings is also what is called for in this newly discovered online retreat. I am encouraged to view snapshots of my life during the first week and to recognize that the feelings associated with these images tell the story of who I am. It is an exercise that I enjoy as I look at pictures of me as a child and think of my Mom, Dad, and Grandma, all the people who were so important in the early days of my life people who are gone now and whom I miss so very much.

I'm asked to consider these images in terms of God's fidelity and presence in my life and to approach with gratitude these images whether good or bad. I'm so very thankful that I have never doubted God's existence. I know this is a true grace as I now realize that even some of the greatest and faithful people ever have had moments of doubt. Many of my earliest memories revolve around church preschool, singing in the choir (my photo for this blog) and holidays of which church services were always an important part. I was blessed to be born into a family of believers, a Catholic father and a Methodist mother, who despite their fundamental differences regarding religion and my religious upbringing were able to pass a basic faith in God onto me.

When I reflect on the gift of Faith in my life, I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude. Perhaps this will be a good place to end this reflection thinking about what an awesome gift this has been in my life. It is a good place to focus my energy today and in the days ahead...thank you God for loving me always and for today reminding me that even when I failed to turn to you at many points in my life that ultimately I have been so very blessed to always know that you were there. Lord, I know you will always be there...please help me stay committed to this journey of faith and discovery so that I may better know and love you.

Remain in Faith and Remember What You Accomplish is through God's Work

"Let what you heard from the beginning remain in you.
If what you heard from the beginning remains in you
then you will remain in the Son and in the Father." 1 Jn 2:24.

This book is written to dissuade dissension among a community of believers. Still it seems to apply to a child born into a family where he or she is taught from the beginning to believe in God and in Jesus, his only son. This simple faith was first and foremost taught in the home and family of Tim Tebow. This young man who has become an inspiration both on and off the football field has accomplished great things. Throughout his 4 years as a football star at the University of Florida, he has remained faithful to these core beliefs and publicly shared and acknowledged this faith. The University of Florida is a typical college campus full of fun and temptation yet this exceptional young man has remained grounded in his faith and an example to many. His parents must be extremely proud of his accomplishments and not only those related to football.

Last night as has been his custom, he wore the numbers of a scripture passage inscribed under his eyes. The verse chosen was from Ephesians 2:8-10: "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith -- and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God -- not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

In spite of all his accomplishments, he freely accepts that they are a gift from God. This simple faith filled gratitude made humbly and without the cocky attitude that easily could have grown in someone so young and so successful is refreshing. As a mother myself, I too hope for my children that they will remain grounded in a basic Christian faith. Though I am quite a few years older, I too believe that I can learn a lot from this young man. Remain in faith and remember that it is through God working in us that we grow and accomplish what God has ordained for us in this life