Waiting

Today I contemplate waiting. I spend enough time doing this. Waiting at the doctors, waiting at the deli counter, waiting on my children to be ready to go and waiting for an answer to something that I am questioning or struggling with. Looking outside, I am waiting for nicer weather, sunshine and warmth. Whatever the wait is for it is sometimes difficult. I am pretty good at waiting at the doctors as long as I have a good book to read to occupy my time. This helps me to cope. Spring is coming I know because it is a sure thing in the cycle of the seasons.

I can learn some truths from each of these. First, you must find a way to occupy yourself when you have no choice but to wait. Second given time like Spring things will happen. Waiting on my children especially my youngest these days produces a good deal of impatience on my part especially when she is making everyone in the family wait. Patience is a must here. I am waiting on her to grow so that she will become less self centered and more motivated to work within the family unit. Hopefully this is like the seasons and will come in time when this season of the teens passes. I remind myself that not so long ago it was her sister who was always the last out of the door. So during this time, I try to be patient while at the same time I try to motivate and inspire change. Although I may have some influence, ultimately she has a degree of control over this and I am not completely in control. This has been a lesson that my children have been teaching me for years since way back even before potty training.

So what about those things in life that I am struggling with and for which there seems to be no easy and quick answer? Or what about when something has gone wrong and I am waiting for things to be made right? My faith tells me to pray. When I calm myself and take the time to do this I am comforted and feel a sense of peace. To get to this place I must allow myself to trust that God is in control, God will show me the way and God will make things right according to his will. This morning as I was reading the daily readings I read Psalm 145:14-15 which says,

"The LORD is trustworthy in every word, and faithful in every work. The LORD supports all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look hopefully to you; you give them their food in due season."

So as I wait, it may help to be reminded of these words that if I am to be faithful I must believe. God knows my needs and has the answers; it is up to me to trust in this and to persevere knowing that I must and can trust all things to his care.

My Struggle to understand how and why to forgive

I have missed a number of days reading and taking the time to reconnect with God during this season of Lent. On Sunday in Church I told myself that I needed to get back on track. I prayed especially for my children and recalled as I do believe that they are God's greatest lesson to us in what it means to truly love. I recalled that as the mother of 3 teens the many ways in which they have each tested me over the last few years. I realize that their relationship to me as their mother is much like mine with God. He instructs me, counsels me, and loves me and still I fail to appreciate the depth of his love and to respond as I know I should.

Today I read about forgiveness something we all need. Something we must work to extend others. This is something that I have learned to give freely to my children for the most part. Sometimes however I do have a tendency to struggle with when to trust them again as in order to preserve a family, we put continue to hope that they will choose the right path. With others is is not always so easy. Time seems to heal most grudges but I always feel as though I should be quicker to forgive.

What is forgiveness? Most of us want to think that it is a form of reconciliation where one side admits their wrong and the the other side seeing the other's contrition forgives and lets go. But is that really what forgiveness is all about? What about when you perceive a wrong and the other steadfastly is not sorry or sees no wrong to their words or actions? How can forgiveness happen here.? This is my struggle. How can we forgive when another is so clearly wrong?

I was reflecting on this over the last week. I thought of the words of Jesus on the cross, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do?" I thought of the admonishment to forgive our brothers 70x 7. It seems that wrong is part of the human condition. None of us can be right or good all the time. We need to forgive and be forgiven.

So perhaps forgiveness is acceptance of the human condition. We all sin at one time or another to varying degrees. Yesterday's gospel at church spoke of the man born blind and healed by Jesus. We all have varying degrees of blindness and are in need of healing. Perhaps the way to forgiveness begins with acknowledgement that we have been hurt or are being hurt. We pray for the courage to forgive and pray in earnest for those who we believe have done us wrong. We make every effort to let go of our desire for retribution and trust God to ultimately heal and make all things right.

We may or may not choose to continue a relationship even once we reach the point of forgiving and letting go. In some cases, those we have forgiven may be unwilling to change or acknowledge what we believe to be true. Forgiveness releases the forgiver from feelings of bitterness and puts trust and hope in God that those people can be healed or if not that justice will at some point and at Gods time of choosing prevail.

Lent and Re-dedication

Have taken a break from my blog. Yesterday nudged me back toward writing. Yesterday marked the beginning of Lent for 2010. Yesterday was Ash Wednesday. It was an opportunity for me to question where I am on my journey at this point.

The last month has been a flurry of activity cheer competitions, ski trip, and travel to Florida for work related conference. So many distractions which continue into the months ahead.

Yesterday a number of friends wanted to know what are you giving up for lent? I have never been a real fan of giving up things especially things that I am fond of like chocolate. Seems to me this can be rather devoid of spiritual meaning unless you make a conscious effort to make it meaningful. I have always been attracted to the notion of giving or doing. This brought me back to my resolutions for 2010 when I started this blog.

1. Remain in the truth

2. Remember that God calls me to be a light
3. Resolve to Grow...me!

As I review these I wonder what I was thinking when I wrote these. As I examine each one and ask myself what have I accomplished I wonder what have I been doing with my time. So perhaps rather than giving up something Lent for me should be a time of refocus and re-dedication. So let me examine myself in light each of these.

1.Remain in the Truth: I wonder what was in my mind with this. My first thought was that I wanted to make an effort to be be more spiritual. I think I was doing good with this for a while when I started each day with the Catholic readings and reflection. Over the past few weeks not so good. I've missed Mass and turned to distractions and not made time to anchor myself. So in this respect here is an opportunity for re-dedication. Truth for me is also living according to those values that I claim to embrace. Love for Family, loyalty and honesty. Again opportunities here.

2.Remember that God Calls Me to be Light. Here is a very positive image but am I a positive person? Honestly, often I am not. Do my actions bring light to others and glorify God? Again, I'm not feeling very proud so again opportunity for improvement.

3. Growth hmm. I honestly don't feel like I have accomplished much here. Certainly not at the gym with my sporadic visits. I have done a lot of soul searching and pondering but growth suggests something observable like with a tree or plant. More work needed here too.

Ok so here is my opportunity to redefine and re-dedicate. My Lenten sacrifices/promises for the next 40 days.

1. Stay on track spiritually: Spend time reading the bible and praying everyday. Don't miss Mass!

2. Be positive. Be grateful. Try to do the right thing!

3. Turn thoughts into actions! Think and follow through.

Change Good or Bad?

Change and Life go hand and hand. This past week those realities have become apparent to me in many ways. Nothing stays the same. We change, we learn, we grow. As we get older we grow in some ways we would rather not. The price of staying the same becomes higher: more exercise, trips to the gym and regular appointments with our hairdresser just in an effort to try to stave off change.

Photos of years ago remind us that things are not the same. Kids grow up and don't stay little forever. Some photos are of people who have passed on... this is some of the most difficult kind of change. Some photos we look at may be of people, perhaps that were classmates long ago , that we can't even remember. Clearly what was seemingly important yesterday is not today.

Our thinking changes too. We grow and experience more and how we perceive something today may not be how we perceive it tomorrow. I guess that is why one day the Democrats are in Power and then the winds shift and now people are ready to turn to answers from a Republican. Or as parents you have a colicky newborn and you think this is the most difficult time in your life and then they grow and become teenagers. Enough said. If we are lucky, we get to see them grow up and change into responsible adults that would be a welcome change.

Change is often difficult especially when it involves someone or something that you rely upon. Employment comes to mind especially in an economy where upheaval is the story of the day. You can be a victim of downsizing or lose out because changes take place in leadership forcing you to examine and to re-examine your career path. Who Moved My Cheese? was a book I read about a decade ago. I was younger then and the message of moving forward and taking on new challenges was an eye opener. I haven't thought about this book since then but it just came to mind writing this as now I find myself at a point where I can relate to my cheese moving and not liking it at all. As I struggle with my feelings and remember the simple lesson of this book I still am resistant to embracing change and moving on running through the maze. This book presupposes that change is always good but is it? My thoughts about change above don't necessarily lead me to this conclusion. Divorce is a change but is it good? Values have changed dramatically in America is this good?

I found a good bit of criticism searching the internet today regarding the thinking advanced by this book. Specificially that this way of thinking is advanced by entitities like money driven corporations to silence dissention among their employees by suggesting that they either accept change as enevitable, adapt and move on or starve and get fired. Is this really enlightenment? What ever happened to right and wrong? Can you always just go along with change?

Perhaps some changes require us to re-evaluate our values and priorities. Unlike the mice running around in the maze in the book, we have a voice. To use it does not mean that we are just complaining. What if instead the cheese is being replaced with something that is inferior and staying in the maze is not the answer. Ultimately, I guess this will require that we accept that change is inevitable. But how we respond when confronted with some changes over which we have no control , may mean that we have to leave the maze altogether.

Faith at work in Haiti and during its healing

Haiti is a country devastated by the latest tragedy, a powerful earthquake that has killed and left homeless so many. It is a place that a week ago I and probably many in the world knew little about. In the face of so much suffering is an opportunity for those who like myself have been ignorant to this country's plight to educate themselves and resolve to extend compassion and healing to those in desperate need.

In reading the headlines this morning, I was struck by the faith of the people. In this country where many churches have been completely destroyed, the faith of the people remains steadfast. Many gathered in prayer outside the destroyed Catholic Cathedral in Port Au Prince to celebrate mass on Sunday. In another very poor section of the city at a Catholic Church, St. Jean Bosco, many Haitians gathered in their best dress next to many who were injured or had lost loved ones to honor God and to pray. How amazing is it that those, many who had little and nothing to begin with, should demonstrate such resolute faith in God?

Last week, I was outraged to read comments by American Evangelical leader, Pat Robertson, who blamed the past suffering of Haiti and her people as well as this present tragedy on a pact with the devil that legend has it was made in order for Haiti to secure its independence from the French. Yet throughout the news post earthquake disaster from around the world are images of a people firm in their religious faith singing hymns amidst the tent cities set up and interviews from ordinary citizens expressing their faith and trust in God.

Where does the healing start? I found it remarkable that the church standing in Port Au Prince was a parish named, St Jean Bosco. Although having heard this Saint's name before I spent some time this morning searching the Internet and reading about who St John Bosco was and what he is known for. What I learned was that he lived in Italy and was known as an apostle to youth. He sought to save souls by teaching young boys and continued this work following his ordination as a priest. He ministered to the downtrodden and orphans. He founded the Salesian Religious order in 1859. This order has continued since it's foundation to reach the world's children and bring hope. This mission has existed in Haiti since 1936 endeavoring to help Haiti's poorest children. Perhaps the example of this saint in ministering to the young and poor can be a beacon of hope in this country which has been so devastated.

In recognizing the plight of those living in Haiti in the wake of this disaster and hopefully awakening to the suffering and intense need of this nation that has existed prior to this tragedy, perhaps we can resolve to put our energy not into just helping with this singular tragedy but by continuing to share from our abundance in the future. Even more importantly for those who are people of faith and prayer would be raising our prayers toward those in Haiti in need.

Here I am Lord...now what?

"Speak Lord for you servant is listening." 1Sm 3:9. Here I am...

These are beautiful words inviting God to direct our thoughts and actions. But how can I be sure that I know his will? Often there are no quick or easy answers to life's challenges. Am I hearing his answers or merely yielding to my own selfish desires and priorities?

Last night again, I visited Southside Baptist with my son to attend Celebrate Recovery. I know that a better direction for my life is available by keeping myself attuned to God's Presence. It was a challenge to go last night because I was tired and wanted to just veg and do nothing. Likewise my son had no real desire to go and preferred to do otherwise. Yet I told my son, we are going and we went. Last night's message was about Denial and our tendency to do the wrong thing.

"For I know that good does not dwell in me, that is, in my flesh. The willing is ready at hand, but doing the good is not." Romans." 7:18 This verse reminds me of Jesus words to his disciples in the garden of Gethsemane "Watch and pray that you may not undergo the test. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak." Mark 14:38. As I strive to start each day with reflecting on the daily readings I know I am taking an important step however my daily intentions and goals are frequently sidetracked and I find myself spending much of my day not engaging in what I know is my duty and responsibility but in mindless and unproductive activities specifically computer surfing. There I've said it and admitted my wrongs for the past 2 days. Sounds silly I know but the keyboard and screen have for me become a window to the outside world from a point where I have found myself to be at times rather dissatisfied with my present state and instead of turning this into action I escape into the electronic abyss. It has become easy for me to spend the day doing something mindless rather than attending to mundane and seemingly meaningless chores. Also when I am facing trials with the teens who continue to pose many challenges each in their own way it offers me an escape.

The answer I know lies in prayer and allowing God's voice which I hear telling me you have much to do and you are wasting precious time. Just get up and go forth and resign yourself to God's will. This is where I came up with my blog theme Grow Where you Are Planted. I am here at this point in my life. Whether Georgia is my dream destination doesn't matter I am here for now. What can I accomplish today? I ask that today God will be my strength and that I may stay attuned to his presence throughout the day in what I say and do and that I will continue to strive to be more purposeful in my actions.

Thinking and Doing

The last couple of weeks have brought me to a point of examining many things. How I think? What I believe? Who I trust? Where do I seek counsel? Through sorting this all out I have come to feel more grounded in faith and more resolved in what I believe to be right and wrong. Now comes the hard part turning this into action and in doing so loving and caring for those closest to me and according to God's will.

Last week I disappointed my husband by not taking care of a few things that he wanted me to do. I was feeling better about where I am in life by getting in touch with God and resolving to accept where I am at this point in my life yet I had let him down by what I had not done.

In daily bible reading I read, “Humbly regard others a more important than yourselves, each looking out not for his own interests, but everyone for those of others” (Philippians 2:3-4). Ok so this means time to focus on others and their needs. This is one of those verses that discourages selfishness. But of course there are limits to giving and doing? Finding that balance may be this week's challenge.

Brother Lawrence was a Carmelite monk who lived in France in the 17th Century. He wrote The Practice of the Presence of God. His writings are popular among both Catholics and Protestants. His recipe for spirituality is very simplistic and advises that we each can do our common business for the love of him. Brother Lawrence worked as a humble cook yet he was able to in the course of his daily and mundane chores to see that this too could be offered for the service of God. He says regarding work,

"Nor is it needful that we should have great things to do. . . We can do little things for God; I turn the cake that is frying on the pan for love of him, and that done, if there is nothing else to call me, I prostrate myself in worship before him, who has given me grace to work; afterwards I rise happier than a king. It is enough for me to pick up but a straw from the ground for the love of God."

So my mantra for the week do and try to be mindful of how each thing is or is not according to this purpose. Seek to do more in accordance with this. And when I fail, as I will keep in mind these words also by Brother Lawrence, which admonishes me to "...readily acknowledge it, saying, I am used to doing so: I shall never do otherwise if I am left to myself. If I fail not, then I give God thanks, acknowledging that it comes from Him." to myself'. If I fail not, then I give God thanks, acknowledging that the strength comes from Him.". to myself'. If I fail not, then I give God thanks, acknowledging that the strength comes from Him.".

"when I fail in my duty, I readily acknowledge it, saying, I am used to do so; I shall never do otherwise if left to myself."e