Growing in Gods Way

Discouragment. A familiar feeling to me as the parent of teens. It is hard to not to take their mistakes and failures personally. I find that I struggle in how to respond to their shortcomings. Acknowledging that we all make mistakes yet trying to train them in a way to encourage responsibility. Questioning their actions and challenging them draws their anger yet to do nothing seems uncaring and irresponsible.

Sunday in church the scripture focused on Jesus teaching his disciples how to pray and the words to the Lords Prayer . In my mind and heart, I believe that God has the answers to all that troubles me as a parent and certainly will provide me with the strength to perservere even when I feel this discouragement and don't know what to do or say next. Yet when I am tested by my children's actions I often feel like such a failure. I descend into a place of despair and feel such lack of motivation. I should turn my eyes to God and ask for his wisdom and strength. Though the mistakes of my children seem to never end, faith should direct me to pray fervently for God's strength to allow me to forgive my children for their mistakes as the words to the Lord's Prayer remind me to "Forgive our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us." Certainly, we need to forgive one another. I know that I am far from perfect yet God has charged me with guiding and directing my children as their parent. How do I impart forgiveness while as a parent challenging them to live better lives.

At times I get to a point where I feel that those things that I have tried to do right as a parent seem to have counted for nothing. I feel a sense of utter despair and wonder why I am such a failure. Why my children seem to not learn from past mistakes and continue to repeat the same ones over and over again? Often I turn to those whom I count as my closest friends and find myself once again as the object of their pity...how is it that all these things seem to keep happening? My children live in a home with both parents and have had more advantages than most. We have made them a priority and continue to sacrifice for them yet their actions continue to fall far short of what we hope for them. This week has been a particularly low point for me and their father. It is one of those times that you wonder what you have been working for because it all seems to count for nothing. Even my generally upbeat husband has reached a breaking point where he feels like just giving up.

So at this point I am searching for an answer. Experience has shown that if I place my hope and trust in others I will be disappointed. Things and people in this world continue to disappoint me. Thankfully I am blessed with the gift of having what I feel ashamed to say is a mustard seed size faith. Yet this week in my feeble attempts to find some consolation and strength from Gods word I am again reminded that God can turn something so small into something that grows and thrives. Thankfully, last evening at least with my child was an improvement on the one before. My goal for today is to turn instead not to despair but to God who promises to provide strength for even the most hopeless and desperate of circumstances. Today I will try to look for God's blessings and consolation and try to remember that he is present and working in my life and in the lives of those I love.

More from the Prodigal and the Blame game

Some days being a parent is far from what you imagined and hoped. When my son was born shortly after my mother's death, there were so many days of joy and simple pleasures. To this day I cannot think of anything that gave more pure joy to my life. Taking Will to the park daily or taking him to the nearby Springs in the Summer and basking in the joy of him sitting in the water close to shore while the fish darted close to his feet as he played and giggled these are great memories.

Sadly now I find myself confronted by a child that bears little resemblance to this person for whom I had so many hopes and dreams. Clashes over who he has become and what he intends to do with his life now seem to dominate every exchange between this child and his father and me. We continue to wonder what could we have done different?

Despite that we love him and have spent countless hours of worry and effort to try to give him the best opportunities in life, he feels that we do not listen or care and wants nothing more than to be away from us. The pain from this lack of appreciation is profound. In my heart, I believe that we have done everything for this child and been good parents. Will is at a point where despite the opportunities given to him and the love of his parents it is up to him. He wants to be treated as an adult yet is angry that he is being held to the responsibilities of that role. Since the beginning of high school we have watched with disappointment his poor choices and how they continue to move him to a place of less and less opportunity.

We have tried to intervene in meaningful ways. Counselors, tutors, changing schools and ultimately an intervention program his final year of high school in a desperate attempt to help him turn away from drugs and get his high school diploma. We were so hopeful in August when he reached this milestone. Sadly despite our best efforts and intentions, our son has not taken control of his life. He instead resents us and everything we have done and all our current efforts to encourage him to take charge of his life.

Since moving back home about a week ago, he has become more and more demanding and resentful. It seems impossible for him to recognize that what we want for him is to support him in a way that allows him to move forward in life. Yet as adults who have some understanding of the demands of day to day life, we are seeking to hold him accountable for his choices. He is in a very sad place. He is angry because he has no idea what direction that he wants to take in his life. All our suggestions college or trade school are labeled as unreasonable expectations and he is lost in a place where he has no motivation to work toward any goal. His day to day existence is focused on hanging out with friends, having a girlfriend although this person changes frequently, playing video games and partying. If he had his way, he would not work, sleep all day, play video games and party all night. This is not a lifestyle that we can accept.

Last night ended with yet another angry exchange. He wants us to pay for him to live in a dorm in Florida and go to college. Although going away to college was part of our dreams for our son, his past history tell us that this will allow him only a short time move out of the house and will result in us paying for him to live on his own while he continues a pattern of lack of effort in school and more failing grades. We find ourselves in a place where in light of his continued poor choices, lack of follow through and motivation we cannot be hopeful that by providing him with this opportunity he will finally take charge and move forward. Sadly, he is completely focused on how what WE have done has failed him.

In January, Will began attending community college. Although he did well in 2 of his courses, he struggled in his math course. Ultimately, he dropped this course. It is amazing to hear him say that the reason that he could not succeed was caused by the inferior education that he received at the intervention program he went to from March-August of last year. The question had to be asked so what did you do with the opportunities in school prior to this?

We are locked into a losing battle. Will who wants to blame someone or something for why his life is the way it is and us as his parents wanting for him to accept basic responsibilities which he either cannot or chooses to not. So where does this leave us? Not sure...it seems however that we are at a crossroads and one where perhaps despite our love and desire to help and support this child, we are powerless but for prayer.